If you're someone who already has a fitness routine or exercise program going, move along, there will be nothing for you in this post. This is for those of us who are naturally sluggish (which sounds slightly nicer than saying we're lazy), but you know, at midlife, we'd probably better stay active. Damn it. You know how the saying goes: if you don't use it, you'll lose it. I hate that.
1. We've all read those articles that tell you in order to get the full benefit of exercise, really you should be exercising at an elevated heart rate for 45 minutes, five or six days a week. Five-ish years ago when I was in the midst of my determined (and unsuccessful) plan to regain my 40-year-old body, I proudly told my primary care doctor that I was exercising for 30 minutes, 6 days a week. She told me that really I should bump it up to 45 minutes. *auntbean deflates*
2. But I am not a person who is going to exercise 45 minutes, six days a week. It's just not gonna happen. Everything I most love to do involves sitting on a couch or in front of a keyboard. So then for about a year I did nothing, which is when my weight skyrocketed up to an amount that was not OK with me, which led to the Weight Watchers stint, etc etc etc. You've heard that part.
3. So now I find myself looking for a fitness routine that's first and foremost sustainable. A fitness routine that I can really do long-term, because in spite of my desire to sit on the couch all day and read, study, write, and/or nap with a cup of tea and snacks within reach so I don't have to move ONE CENTIMETER, I know I need to move. For one thing, I'm stiff enough these days that if I sit still for 45-minutes, I'm creaky when I get up.
4. So I started with doing squats in the shower as I dripped off. That makes it sound like a real exercise, but honestly the first time I did one, determinedly bracing my feet against sides of the shower, I could barely make my butt drop a couple of inches without feeling like I was going to fall over. I think I did two sort of half-assed mini squats that first time. I've gradually worked up to doing six or eight real ones. It's not much, but you know what? It only takes about 30 seconds and it has made a noticeable difference. I can feel how much stronger my legs are when I'm just walking across a parking lot.
5. And since that worked so well, I've gradually worked on adding other things. My post-shower routine is now up to about 3 minutes of neck and shoulder stretches plus two sets of squats. And a few days a week I fit in five minutes of working with handweights and/or a walk, and it feels manageable, like something I can keep doing long term. It sounds so feeble--seriously, this is a total of about an hour spread out over an entire week-- but it's made a remarkable difference in how I feel. Maybe I'll keep adding to it, but maybe this is it, my lifetime fitness routine. I should write a book.
(aside: squats may not work for you, especially not if you have bad knees. If you want to try squats and you've never done them before, watch this 2-minute video about how to do them without hurting yourself. And I should probably say something like check with your doctor before beginning any exercise program and don't sue me if you hurt yourself, etc etc etc.)
6. Do you still take a shower every day? More and more of my friends say they don't. I still do. I've always had oily skin, and although of course it is way less oily now, I'm still a mucky mess when I get up in the morning. I'm a sweaty sleeper. I'm not even going to dignify that by saying I "glow." I wake up gross. So yeah, I still take a shower every day, although I only wash my hair every 2-3 days now, after religiously washing it every day from about age 13 until a couple of years ago.
7. The other "types" post I was going to write was a long one about how I figured out what my Enneagram number is, because I think it's fascinating. But I was telling someone else about it last week and it was about 30 seconds before their eyes glazed over, so maybe it's only fascinating to me. I had an image of myself formed decades ago based on one of those family myths, and it turns out that I'm really not that person. This has been huge for me, truly transformative. If it's a topic that interests you, highly recommended. Try this book for the brief overview, or this one for a more in-depth explanation. (Those are Amazon links, but just for informational purposes. I am not an associate, I don't get anything from them.)
that's all from me. Have a great weekend.
p.s. Apologies if you got this early, I set the publishing date wrong and it was sent out yesterday before I had edited it. Oops.
Friday, August 31, 2018
Thursday, August 30, 2018
WITOAG, or: What I Think of As God, and a few other thoughts
Another slightly edited old post, from my old blog, originally posted August 10, 2009, followed up with a bit of new stuff. Since we haven't discussed religion/spirituality much recently, for those of you who are new, I should explain that I was raised Evangelical/Southern Baptist, and my dad was raised German Baptist, which may not mean anything to you but trust me, it explains a lot. I still attend church, but at a progressive denomination, and my theology is a bit-- well, sketchy compared to how I was raised.
----------------------------
Before I go off on my next idea, here's a bit of housekeeping, a defining of terms. I want to be able to use the word "God," but of course, when I use that word it may mean something entirely different to me than it means to you. It certainly means something different to me now than it did when I blithely told a young Jewish man I met at an icebreaker in college how happy I was that God was my best friend. (Yes, I really did do that and it gives me shudders down to my toes to think about it now.)
In my twenties, after I left my conservative childhood faith behind, I didn’t use the word “God” at all for a long time—I avoided it even in my head when I was just thinking. What the heck does it mean? I’ve said this before, but is “God” some kind of sentient, all-knowing, all-seeing Being in the Sky? Is it a cluster of ideas shared by a community that takes on a life of its own in the collective mind of the group? Is it something individual to each one of us? Is God, as the new age folks used to tell me, within me? And what the heck would that mean? Is God a Higher Self, a Divine Source, a Deity Within?
I don’t know. I really, really don’t know. Further, I don't think it's possible to know. But I sort of tentatively decided about a year ago (edited Aug 2018: that would be about ten years ago now) that I had been thinking about this long enough that I could go back to using the word God to describe a certain force in my life for which I have no other name. I don’t really understand what that force is, (ouch, I just remembered Star Wars and The Force and that’s not what I mean, but how else am I going to say it?) but it is convenient to have a name for it whatever it is, and God works as well as anything else and also conveniently fits into a number of other ideas.
It also enables me to have conversations with other believers without endlessly saying “I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know.” Although in that instance, it may unfortunately give them the idea that I agree with them about the nature of God when in fact I probably don’t. How could I, since I don’t really know what God is?
The point that I’m so convolutedly trying to make here is that when I use the word “God,” what I really mean is “What-I-think-of-as-God.” It is a concept in my head that may not have any objective existence at all. But it would be entirely tiresome to type that out every time I want to refer to “What-I-think-of-as-God.” So, that’s all I'm saying. Just don’t take the word “God” too literally-- here, or anywhere else, come to think of it. And I'm still capitalizing it. I considered not doing that, but it just didn't seem right.
And furthermore..... I still pray. Even though I'm not sure that What-I-think-of-as-God hears me, or is able to intervene in my life in any concrete way. And the weird thing is, I usually get some kind of answer. Not a lightning bolt from the sky, or voice booming over my car stereo or even a message on a billboard like Steve Martin in L.A. Story. But if I'm asking a question, or seeking a solution to a problem, or honestly trying to figure something out, usually within a day or two, I have an answer. Or at least a next step. I read something, or hear a random remark, or there's a line in movie, and it occurs to me-- there it is.
There are (at least) two ways you could interpret this: you could say I'm taking something I would have figured out anyway and calling it an answer to prayer, and to that I can only say: you're right. That could be exactly what's happening. Or from the opposite perspective, you could say, well, doesn't that prove that God exists and you should believe in Him/Her/It, and once again, all I can say is, yes, I can see how you would think that, but so far for me, that's not what has happened.
So I still pray. And I still function as if God exists. And all of this blathering on and on was just so that I could tell you that I prayed this week for help with breaking through a particular self-defeating belief that feels set in stone in my head. And the answer I got back was: be willing to give it up.
And that's something to think about.
p.s. this endless cogitating on all side of an issue and being to see a bunch of different ways of looking at a problem while remaining uncommitted to any of them is, I've learned, a normal feature for an Enneagram Five. Just in case you were wondering.
----------------------------
Before I go off on my next idea, here's a bit of housekeeping, a defining of terms. I want to be able to use the word "God," but of course, when I use that word it may mean something entirely different to me than it means to you. It certainly means something different to me now than it did when I blithely told a young Jewish man I met at an icebreaker in college how happy I was that God was my best friend. (Yes, I really did do that and it gives me shudders down to my toes to think about it now.)
In my twenties, after I left my conservative childhood faith behind, I didn’t use the word “God” at all for a long time—I avoided it even in my head when I was just thinking. What the heck does it mean? I’ve said this before, but is “God” some kind of sentient, all-knowing, all-seeing Being in the Sky? Is it a cluster of ideas shared by a community that takes on a life of its own in the collective mind of the group? Is it something individual to each one of us? Is God, as the new age folks used to tell me, within me? And what the heck would that mean? Is God a Higher Self, a Divine Source, a Deity Within?
I don’t know. I really, really don’t know. Further, I don't think it's possible to know. But I sort of tentatively decided about a year ago (edited Aug 2018: that would be about ten years ago now) that I had been thinking about this long enough that I could go back to using the word God to describe a certain force in my life for which I have no other name. I don’t really understand what that force is, (ouch, I just remembered Star Wars and The Force and that’s not what I mean, but how else am I going to say it?) but it is convenient to have a name for it whatever it is, and God works as well as anything else and also conveniently fits into a number of other ideas.
It also enables me to have conversations with other believers without endlessly saying “I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know.” Although in that instance, it may unfortunately give them the idea that I agree with them about the nature of God when in fact I probably don’t. How could I, since I don’t really know what God is?
The point that I’m so convolutedly trying to make here is that when I use the word “God,” what I really mean is “What-I-think-of-as-God.” It is a concept in my head that may not have any objective existence at all. But it would be entirely tiresome to type that out every time I want to refer to “What-I-think-of-as-God.” So, that’s all I'm saying. Just don’t take the word “God” too literally-- here, or anywhere else, come to think of it. And I'm still capitalizing it. I considered not doing that, but it just didn't seem right.
And furthermore..... I still pray. Even though I'm not sure that What-I-think-of-as-God hears me, or is able to intervene in my life in any concrete way. And the weird thing is, I usually get some kind of answer. Not a lightning bolt from the sky, or voice booming over my car stereo or even a message on a billboard like Steve Martin in L.A. Story. But if I'm asking a question, or seeking a solution to a problem, or honestly trying to figure something out, usually within a day or two, I have an answer. Or at least a next step. I read something, or hear a random remark, or there's a line in movie, and it occurs to me-- there it is.
There are (at least) two ways you could interpret this: you could say I'm taking something I would have figured out anyway and calling it an answer to prayer, and to that I can only say: you're right. That could be exactly what's happening. Or from the opposite perspective, you could say, well, doesn't that prove that God exists and you should believe in Him/Her/It, and once again, all I can say is, yes, I can see how you would think that, but so far for me, that's not what has happened.
So I still pray. And I still function as if God exists. And all of this blathering on and on was just so that I could tell you that I prayed this week for help with breaking through a particular self-defeating belief that feels set in stone in my head. And the answer I got back was: be willing to give it up.
And that's something to think about.
p.s. this endless cogitating on all side of an issue and being to see a bunch of different ways of looking at a problem while remaining uncommitted to any of them is, I've learned, a normal feature for an Enneagram Five. Just in case you were wondering.
Tuesday, August 28, 2018
Types: Life with Upholders
According to the Four Tendencies, Upholders are people who readily meet both internal and external expectations. In other words, if they decide they're going to start doing triathlons (an internal expectation), they figure out a training regimen and they start doing it. If they're given a tough assignment at work or school (an external expectation), they rise to the occasion and get it done.
I live in a household full of Upholders. It's hard to tell for sure what Tendency kids might be until they're on their own, but now that both of mine have fled the nest, I can tell you with a pretty high degree of confidence that they are both Upholders, and Dean is an upholder to the bone.
I love my Upholders. They are my favorite people in the universe. They are responsible and kind, they get stuff done (lots of stuff), they are pro-active about making our life all it can be. They love to be physically active, they take great care of themselves, they participate in the community in positive ways without making a big deal out of it-- it's just what they do.
(And also, it must be said-- they are all three different. It's not like being an Upholder rubber stamps your personality.)
I am not an Upholder. I told you my own history about trying to figure out what tendency I am last week, but whatever it is-- Obliger who tilts Rebel? Questioner? -- it's not Upholder. So I'm a bit of an armchair expert on Upholders, and I have two things I want to tell you about them.
First, Upholders sometimes get an unfair rap as having things easy. Because they are rarely conflicted about what they're doing, they usually don't have that muddled, sometimes self-defeating, sometimes confused, why-can't-I-get-this-thing-done-that-I-want-to-do aspect that the rest of us have to deal with all the time.
That's not to say that they never have any problems--of course not. But when an Upholder clicks in on something they want to accomplish or that they are expected to accomplish, they get this torrential energy flow going that looks like it's propelling them along with no effort.
But that forward motion masks how hard Upholders work. In fact, I would say that the number one thing my Upholders have in common is that they are hard workers. They work their asses off. It looks easy, because they have a level of self-confidence and drive that escapes most of us. But underneath that, they're doing as much work as two of me. They're amazing.
The flip side of that, though, is that if you're the only non-Upholder in a household full of them, you kinda look like a slob. They move serenely through life, piling one accomplishment on top of another, while I really still haven't figured out what I want to be when I grow up.
I know my family loves me, and on good days, I know that they appreciate that I loosen them up a bit, and that I pay attention to details that they'd just as soon gloss over in their drive to get things done. But I still look disorganized and chaotic compared to their competence.
Here is a conversation that Dean and I have regularly:
Me: I need to go out and deal with the chickens.
Dean, who is ready to leave or do something else: The chickens are fine. They have food and water, they'll be fine.
And technically, he's right. They're not going to die. But they'll be happier if I go down and check on them, make sure they have fresh water, give them some scratch, etc. He's not going to let the little things stand in the way of what he wants to get done, I have a hard time getting things done because of the small (but important) distractions I feel I need to take care of.
Another story: Back when the kids were in grade school, we were at a large family reunion (Dean's family). We were staying in a standard room at a motel -- two beds, not much other space, one bathroom. After an afternoon at the beach, we were supposed to be downstairs at the pool in half an hour for a group photo.
But there was just one bathroom, and PellMel was old enough to want her hair to be just so, and MadMax was young enough that he needed some help finding the shirt we were all supposed to wear for the photo, etc etc, and before you know it, all three of them were ready to go and my hair was still wet because I'd been helping the kids and the bathroom had been occupied. This isn't to say that Dean wasn't helping the kids, but he's not the one who is going to help Mel with her hair, or know where MadMax's shirt is.
It's easy in this situation, and believe me it has happened many times, for it to look like I'm just an undisciplined loser who can't keep track of the time. And to be honest, I do have a hard time keeping track of the time. Dean has learned over the 34 years we've been married that if we need to leave at a certain time, about fifteen minutes beforehand, he needs to check and make sure I realize what time it is. Because usually my mental clock is 20 minutes behind the real one.
But on the other hand, sometimes I wish I didn't look and feel quite so incompetent compared to them. I get lots of stuff done, and often it's important stuff. But there they are, all dressed and ready to go, and I'm still fifteen minutes away from being ready-- whether we're speaking literally or metaphorically, it happens all the time.
This is probably a problem that exists more in my head than theirs-- I don't think they see me as incompetent. I think I'm the one who is still, after all this time, just a little bit intimidated by how ferociously they attack their lives.
And when I'm really annoyed with them, I even get aggravated about all that hard work. Ugh. Couldn't they relax every once in awhile? If Dean is sitting in the living room reading the newspaper and I start to unload the dishwasher, he can't sit there and relax while I'm working. If your spouse isn't like that, you probably think it sounds great that he jumps up to help, but when your spouse is tightly wound and you really just want them to relax for a little while, it's annoying. Seriously.
But on the other hand, I get a lot of help with unloading the dishwasher. Can't complain about that.
So there you are. Your education in life with Upholders.
I live in a household full of Upholders. It's hard to tell for sure what Tendency kids might be until they're on their own, but now that both of mine have fled the nest, I can tell you with a pretty high degree of confidence that they are both Upholders, and Dean is an upholder to the bone.
I love my Upholders. They are my favorite people in the universe. They are responsible and kind, they get stuff done (lots of stuff), they are pro-active about making our life all it can be. They love to be physically active, they take great care of themselves, they participate in the community in positive ways without making a big deal out of it-- it's just what they do.
(And also, it must be said-- they are all three different. It's not like being an Upholder rubber stamps your personality.)
I am not an Upholder. I told you my own history about trying to figure out what tendency I am last week, but whatever it is-- Obliger who tilts Rebel? Questioner? -- it's not Upholder. So I'm a bit of an armchair expert on Upholders, and I have two things I want to tell you about them.
First, Upholders sometimes get an unfair rap as having things easy. Because they are rarely conflicted about what they're doing, they usually don't have that muddled, sometimes self-defeating, sometimes confused, why-can't-I-get-this-thing-done-that-I-want-to-do aspect that the rest of us have to deal with all the time.
That's not to say that they never have any problems--of course not. But when an Upholder clicks in on something they want to accomplish or that they are expected to accomplish, they get this torrential energy flow going that looks like it's propelling them along with no effort.
But that forward motion masks how hard Upholders work. In fact, I would say that the number one thing my Upholders have in common is that they are hard workers. They work their asses off. It looks easy, because they have a level of self-confidence and drive that escapes most of us. But underneath that, they're doing as much work as two of me. They're amazing.
The flip side of that, though, is that if you're the only non-Upholder in a household full of them, you kinda look like a slob. They move serenely through life, piling one accomplishment on top of another, while I really still haven't figured out what I want to be when I grow up.
I know my family loves me, and on good days, I know that they appreciate that I loosen them up a bit, and that I pay attention to details that they'd just as soon gloss over in their drive to get things done. But I still look disorganized and chaotic compared to their competence.
Here is a conversation that Dean and I have regularly:
Me: I need to go out and deal with the chickens.
Dean, who is ready to leave or do something else: The chickens are fine. They have food and water, they'll be fine.
And technically, he's right. They're not going to die. But they'll be happier if I go down and check on them, make sure they have fresh water, give them some scratch, etc. He's not going to let the little things stand in the way of what he wants to get done, I have a hard time getting things done because of the small (but important) distractions I feel I need to take care of.
Another story: Back when the kids were in grade school, we were at a large family reunion (Dean's family). We were staying in a standard room at a motel -- two beds, not much other space, one bathroom. After an afternoon at the beach, we were supposed to be downstairs at the pool in half an hour for a group photo.
But there was just one bathroom, and PellMel was old enough to want her hair to be just so, and MadMax was young enough that he needed some help finding the shirt we were all supposed to wear for the photo, etc etc, and before you know it, all three of them were ready to go and my hair was still wet because I'd been helping the kids and the bathroom had been occupied. This isn't to say that Dean wasn't helping the kids, but he's not the one who is going to help Mel with her hair, or know where MadMax's shirt is.
It's easy in this situation, and believe me it has happened many times, for it to look like I'm just an undisciplined loser who can't keep track of the time. And to be honest, I do have a hard time keeping track of the time. Dean has learned over the 34 years we've been married that if we need to leave at a certain time, about fifteen minutes beforehand, he needs to check and make sure I realize what time it is. Because usually my mental clock is 20 minutes behind the real one.
But on the other hand, sometimes I wish I didn't look and feel quite so incompetent compared to them. I get lots of stuff done, and often it's important stuff. But there they are, all dressed and ready to go, and I'm still fifteen minutes away from being ready-- whether we're speaking literally or metaphorically, it happens all the time.
This is probably a problem that exists more in my head than theirs-- I don't think they see me as incompetent. I think I'm the one who is still, after all this time, just a little bit intimidated by how ferociously they attack their lives.
And when I'm really annoyed with them, I even get aggravated about all that hard work. Ugh. Couldn't they relax every once in awhile? If Dean is sitting in the living room reading the newspaper and I start to unload the dishwasher, he can't sit there and relax while I'm working. If your spouse isn't like that, you probably think it sounds great that he jumps up to help, but when your spouse is tightly wound and you really just want them to relax for a little while, it's annoying. Seriously.
But on the other hand, I get a lot of help with unloading the dishwasher. Can't complain about that.
So there you are. Your education in life with Upholders.
Friday, August 24, 2018
7ToF: the dog days of summer
1. MadMax heads back to school on Saturday. I will miss him, and I will also be happy to get back to empty nesting. Both feelings at the same time, and I know some (all?) of you understand exactly what I mean.
2. Still smoky. And that's all I have to say about that. We had a spectacularly beautiful July! Positive thinking!
3. I've become a PB&J snob, of all things. I grind my own peanut butter at a health food store, and I find small-batch all-fruit jams and preserves. Lord knows why, but gourmet PB&J is making me happy at the moment. If I keep the serving size reasonable, it's actually a relatively healthy choice, especially since I'm trying to eat more plant-based foods.
4. I took the University of Pennsylvania Authentic Happiness Inventory after reading about it in The Week. It's available for free but you have to create an account with your email address. I listed myself as a homemaker since I'm not working at the moment and I don't really feel retired. Based on the wording of the questions, I suspect that we don't entirely agree about what constitutes "happiness," so I knew I wasn't going to come out in the upper echelons of happiness. But what surprised me is that even with my unremarkable score, I still scored above most homemakers. FFT.*
*food for thought ;-) In fact, I've had lots of food for thought on the happiness topic recently. I've been hesitant to post too much about it because if there's anything worse than only presenting your best self (one of the main gripes you hear about social media), it's only presenting your worst self. I'm working on finding the balance. If you want to chime in on what works for you as a reader, I would love some feedback.
5. If you want to be really depressed about how much you've aged in the past ten years, go get your passport renewal photos. GAWD. They're horrible. I thought the ones from ten years ago were bad, but these are way worse, because surprise! we're ten years older. MadMax was trying to make me feel better by telling me, No, it's a great picture, and it was all I could do not to yell at him: DO NOT TELL ME I LOOK LIKE THIS. In spite of the fact that it is photographic evidence that I do look like this. *sigh*
The rest of this is about my current round of working on health/fitness/weight loss so stop now if that's a topic that doesn't interest you.
6. I told you at the beginning of the summer that I had gained back some of the weight I lost when I did Weight Watchers a couple of years ago, but I really did not want to get back into WW. So I was going to wing it over the summer and do my own program. I've been fairly active, but for the most part I've eaten whatever I wanted, so I was avoiding weighing myself because it was bound to be scary. But I finally did it last week, and to my surprise, I hadn't gained any weight (which is what I was afraid of), but I hadn't lost any either. Not the outcome I wanted, but I was so relieved that I hadn't gained even more weight that I'm counting it as a win.
7. So now I'm looking around for something, some kind of app or real-life program or whatever, that isn't too onerous but that will both help me keep track of how I'm doing and maybe nudge me a little to be more active. I tried an app called Noom, but it required too much time on my phone--there were daily motivational videos and quizzes, check-ins with your coach, being part of a support team, and logging food and exercise. I'm currently trying Verv. So far I'm happier with it, but it's been less than a week. One thing I know: I don't want to track every bite of food I put in my mouth. (And after eight days on Noom, I remembered why-- because after a few days, I get so annoyed I just stop doing it.) If you have any suggestions, let me know.
That's it for me. Have a great weekend!
(p.s. the rest of the "Types" posts are still coming, but I've been too busy this week to write them out.)
2. Still smoky. And that's all I have to say about that. We had a spectacularly beautiful July! Positive thinking!
Not the greatest picture and she wasn't happy about posing
but I couldn't call this "dog days of summer" without a dog photo, right?
3. I've become a PB&J snob, of all things. I grind my own peanut butter at a health food store, and I find small-batch all-fruit jams and preserves. Lord knows why, but gourmet PB&J is making me happy at the moment. If I keep the serving size reasonable, it's actually a relatively healthy choice, especially since I'm trying to eat more plant-based foods.
4. I took the University of Pennsylvania Authentic Happiness Inventory after reading about it in The Week. It's available for free but you have to create an account with your email address. I listed myself as a homemaker since I'm not working at the moment and I don't really feel retired. Based on the wording of the questions, I suspect that we don't entirely agree about what constitutes "happiness," so I knew I wasn't going to come out in the upper echelons of happiness. But what surprised me is that even with my unremarkable score, I still scored above most homemakers. FFT.*
*food for thought ;-) In fact, I've had lots of food for thought on the happiness topic recently. I've been hesitant to post too much about it because if there's anything worse than only presenting your best self (one of the main gripes you hear about social media), it's only presenting your worst self. I'm working on finding the balance. If you want to chime in on what works for you as a reader, I would love some feedback.
5. If you want to be really depressed about how much you've aged in the past ten years, go get your passport renewal photos. GAWD. They're horrible. I thought the ones from ten years ago were bad, but these are way worse, because surprise! we're ten years older. MadMax was trying to make me feel better by telling me, No, it's a great picture, and it was all I could do not to yell at him: DO NOT TELL ME I LOOK LIKE THIS. In spite of the fact that it is photographic evidence that I do look like this. *sigh*
 |
| mug shots of Ma and Pa Kettle |
The rest of this is about my current round of working on health/fitness/weight loss so stop now if that's a topic that doesn't interest you.
6. I told you at the beginning of the summer that I had gained back some of the weight I lost when I did Weight Watchers a couple of years ago, but I really did not want to get back into WW. So I was going to wing it over the summer and do my own program. I've been fairly active, but for the most part I've eaten whatever I wanted, so I was avoiding weighing myself because it was bound to be scary. But I finally did it last week, and to my surprise, I hadn't gained any weight (which is what I was afraid of), but I hadn't lost any either. Not the outcome I wanted, but I was so relieved that I hadn't gained even more weight that I'm counting it as a win.
7. So now I'm looking around for something, some kind of app or real-life program or whatever, that isn't too onerous but that will both help me keep track of how I'm doing and maybe nudge me a little to be more active. I tried an app called Noom, but it required too much time on my phone--there were daily motivational videos and quizzes, check-ins with your coach, being part of a support team, and logging food and exercise. I'm currently trying Verv. So far I'm happier with it, but it's been less than a week. One thing I know: I don't want to track every bite of food I put in my mouth. (And after eight days on Noom, I remembered why-- because after a few days, I get so annoyed I just stop doing it.) If you have any suggestions, let me know.
That's it for me. Have a great weekend!
(p.s. the rest of the "Types" posts are still coming, but I've been too busy this week to write them out.)
Tuesday, August 21, 2018
Types: The Omni-Type, AKA those of us with convoluted brains
As it turns out, I wasn't sick, it was just the smoke. And the smoke has continued to be bad-- in fact, it was much worse last week because now we have local fires adding into the mix. So I just have to suck it up and stop complaining because it's likely to be smoky for awhile.
My topic this week is (again) personality types-- I think there will be three or four posts over the next ten days or so. I know for some of you this is little more than snake oil, so I'm putting the word "Types" in the post title and then you'll know you can skip right over it.
The personality type no one seems to be talking about: whether you think personality typing is a bunch of over-hyped nonsense, or you find it deeply, deeply helpful. I'm suspicious that the former is true, but I still find myself in the second category. Apologies in advance for those of you who aren't interested. Today's story will do nothing to convince you if you're not already convinced.
A couple of months ago I talked endlessly (as I do) about the Four Tendencies-- Gretchen Rubin's system for identifying how people respond to inner and outer expectations (my explanation of it is here, one of the places you can read her explanation is here, and you can take the quiz at her website, too). I discovered that I'm an Obliger, someone who responds well to outer expectations (like showing up for my food bank volunteer gig every week, because they're expecting me), but not so well to my own expectations (like why can't I seem to stay off my damn phone).
I also wrote a post about how I don't always fit the Obliger profile, because I often exhibit the other tendencies, too-- especially being a Rebel or a Questioner. In fact, I'm even sometimes an Upholder. So do the tendencies mean anything at all? If I can see myself as each one of them, how can it possibly hold any meaning to talk about them as personality types?
But I found the idea so enlightening that I kept reading, and also I've been listening to Gretchen's podcast Happier with her sister Elizabeth. I finally decided that I must be an Obliger who "tilts" rebel-- Gretchen uses the word "tilt" to mean people who are one tendency, but have some of the characteristics of one of the other tendencies.
Ugh. I'm over-explaining for those of you who already know about this, and under-explaining for those of you who don't.
Then I spotted a podcast by Dan Harris (author of 10% Happier, a book I loved and recommended back at the beginning of the year) when he had Gretchen as a guest. Perfect, I thought. I love listening to two intelligent people talk, and they are both ferociously intelligent. The podcast did not disappoint-- it was fascinating-- but the only thing I remember from it now is one line of Gretchen's. She was trying to help Dan figure out what his tendency is, and she said, "People who can see themselves in all of the tendencies are usually questioners."
That brought my brain to a dead halt (and believe me that doesn't happen very often). In the basic chart of the four tendencies, Obligers (good at outer expectations, bad at inner) and Questioners (good at inner, bad at outer) are the exact opposite of each other. How could I have found it so helpful to "realize" that I am an Obliger, but then find it equally as helpful to think about myself as a Questioner?
Because as soon as she said that, I could see that if I changed my understanding of certain things about me, I really might be a Questioner. Once I decide something is important to me, I do it, without any help or prompting from anyone else. I practice my music, I write my blog posts, I do my stretches, I finish reading books that I feel are important for me to read, even if I don't exactly like them.
And it also solves the problem of being an Obliger, which is that you're supposed to set up accountability systems so that you can achieve your goals, and I am terrible at accountability. But if I'm a questioner, I don't have to do accountability, because once I've questioned long and hard enough to figure out that something is worth doing, I just do it.
How weird is that? Both of these realizations-- the Obliger part several months ago, and the Questioner bit a couple of weeks ago-- have been so helpful to me. Just being aware of the concept of watching how I respond to expectations, and how the people around me respond to expectations, has been a game changer. But I don't think I buy that all of us are a specific type. Even with the tilting.
Mind blown. I've been working on this post off and on all day, and I'm afraid if you don't already know about the Four Tendencies it probably made no sense to you. In fact, it's entirely possible that it made no sense to anybody. But it's almost midnight and it's too late for me to write about something else. I will try to be more interesting next time.
My topic this week is (again) personality types-- I think there will be three or four posts over the next ten days or so. I know for some of you this is little more than snake oil, so I'm putting the word "Types" in the post title and then you'll know you can skip right over it.
The personality type no one seems to be talking about: whether you think personality typing is a bunch of over-hyped nonsense, or you find it deeply, deeply helpful. I'm suspicious that the former is true, but I still find myself in the second category. Apologies in advance for those of you who aren't interested. Today's story will do nothing to convince you if you're not already convinced.
A couple of months ago I talked endlessly (as I do) about the Four Tendencies-- Gretchen Rubin's system for identifying how people respond to inner and outer expectations (my explanation of it is here, one of the places you can read her explanation is here, and you can take the quiz at her website, too). I discovered that I'm an Obliger, someone who responds well to outer expectations (like showing up for my food bank volunteer gig every week, because they're expecting me), but not so well to my own expectations (like why can't I seem to stay off my damn phone).
I also wrote a post about how I don't always fit the Obliger profile, because I often exhibit the other tendencies, too-- especially being a Rebel or a Questioner. In fact, I'm even sometimes an Upholder. So do the tendencies mean anything at all? If I can see myself as each one of them, how can it possibly hold any meaning to talk about them as personality types?
But I found the idea so enlightening that I kept reading, and also I've been listening to Gretchen's podcast Happier with her sister Elizabeth. I finally decided that I must be an Obliger who "tilts" rebel-- Gretchen uses the word "tilt" to mean people who are one tendency, but have some of the characteristics of one of the other tendencies.
Ugh. I'm over-explaining for those of you who already know about this, and under-explaining for those of you who don't.
Then I spotted a podcast by Dan Harris (author of 10% Happier, a book I loved and recommended back at the beginning of the year) when he had Gretchen as a guest. Perfect, I thought. I love listening to two intelligent people talk, and they are both ferociously intelligent. The podcast did not disappoint-- it was fascinating-- but the only thing I remember from it now is one line of Gretchen's. She was trying to help Dan figure out what his tendency is, and she said, "People who can see themselves in all of the tendencies are usually questioners."
That brought my brain to a dead halt (and believe me that doesn't happen very often). In the basic chart of the four tendencies, Obligers (good at outer expectations, bad at inner) and Questioners (good at inner, bad at outer) are the exact opposite of each other. How could I have found it so helpful to "realize" that I am an Obliger, but then find it equally as helpful to think about myself as a Questioner?
Because as soon as she said that, I could see that if I changed my understanding of certain things about me, I really might be a Questioner. Once I decide something is important to me, I do it, without any help or prompting from anyone else. I practice my music, I write my blog posts, I do my stretches, I finish reading books that I feel are important for me to read, even if I don't exactly like them.
And it also solves the problem of being an Obliger, which is that you're supposed to set up accountability systems so that you can achieve your goals, and I am terrible at accountability. But if I'm a questioner, I don't have to do accountability, because once I've questioned long and hard enough to figure out that something is worth doing, I just do it.
How weird is that? Both of these realizations-- the Obliger part several months ago, and the Questioner bit a couple of weeks ago-- have been so helpful to me. Just being aware of the concept of watching how I respond to expectations, and how the people around me respond to expectations, has been a game changer. But I don't think I buy that all of us are a specific type. Even with the tilting.
Mind blown. I've been working on this post off and on all day, and I'm afraid if you don't already know about the Four Tendencies it probably made no sense to you. In fact, it's entirely possible that it made no sense to anybody. But it's almost midnight and it's too late for me to write about something else. I will try to be more interesting next time.
Monday, August 13, 2018
Ugh. I'm sick.
Between the snuffling and the sneezing and the coughing, and then the sinus/throat irritation because of all the smoke, I'm taking this week off. Be back next week.
Friday, August 10, 2018
7ToF: the week in pictures
1. Remember the room-sized air-conditioner I told you about last week? It is finally working great, and it's a good thing because it's supposed to be over 100 today. The key was turning on the overhead fan. We have a 20-foot ceiling in the living room, so this is counter-intuitive to me-- since warm air rises, you'd be pushing down all the hot air, right? but for some reason that is what has made it work. It is a pleasant 75 degrees in here right now. *sigh of happiness*
2. We're going to a fancy-dancy cocktail party tonight, which is not something we normally do. I don't wear heels unless absolutely necessary, but even though this is supposed to be relatively casual, there's casual, and then there's Casual. I don't think I can wear Tevas. I have a strappy pair of sandals with one-inch heels that I've only worn a couple of times because they hurt my feet. But it's either wear them or go shoe shopping, so I've got on gym socks with them to stretch out the straps and maybe they won't hurt tonight.
3. In the winter, MadMax ties flies (for fly fishing). In the summer, he fletches arrows (whatever that means, all I know is it's for bowhunting). Either hobby is a mess. Just saying. The table in this picture is in front of the couch in our living room. (Karen was possibly right about the adult children starting to drive you crazy eventually.)
4. Backyard friends.
5. My bookstagram post for the "books and ice cream" theme day.
6. Our hearts go out to the Californians dealing with fires. We had a really bad fire season last year, and it is heartbreaking. The fires are just cranking up around here this year, but last year we were already a month into it. Yesterday the smoke from the Cali fires reached here, which means we can't see the mountains at the moment, but at least we're not worrying about losing people/buildings/landmarks we're familiar with, as we were last year. Love and prayers to the Californians in harm's way.
7. Which brings up an interesting question to think about sometime when you've got a long drive in front of you: you're being evacuated because a fire is on it's way and you've got half an hour to get out of the house. What do you take? (this almost happened to us last summer because of a grass fire in a field about half a mile away, but I wasn't home when the sheriff came by to warn of possible evacuation, and then they got the fire put out well before it reached our house anyway, so it was all over by the time I got home.)
And that's it for me this week. I hope you are staying cool. Have a great weekend!
 |
| Danger, Will Robinson! |
3. In the winter, MadMax ties flies (for fly fishing). In the summer, he fletches arrows (whatever that means, all I know is it's for bowhunting). Either hobby is a mess. Just saying. The table in this picture is in front of the couch in our living room. (Karen was possibly right about the adult children starting to drive you crazy eventually.)
4. Backyard friends.
6. Our hearts go out to the Californians dealing with fires. We had a really bad fire season last year, and it is heartbreaking. The fires are just cranking up around here this year, but last year we were already a month into it. Yesterday the smoke from the Cali fires reached here, which means we can't see the mountains at the moment, but at least we're not worrying about losing people/buildings/landmarks we're familiar with, as we were last year. Love and prayers to the Californians in harm's way.
7. Which brings up an interesting question to think about sometime when you've got a long drive in front of you: you're being evacuated because a fire is on it's way and you've got half an hour to get out of the house. What do you take? (this almost happened to us last summer because of a grass fire in a field about half a mile away, but I wasn't home when the sheriff came by to warn of possible evacuation, and then they got the fire put out well before it reached our house anyway, so it was all over by the time I got home.)
And that's it for me this week. I hope you are staying cool. Have a great weekend!
Tuesday, August 7, 2018
Midlife celebration #8: adult children
(I'm not entirely sure which # number celebration we're up to, but I'm going with eight.) Both kids are home this week, and PellMel brought her boyfriend with her. Our house is full! PellMel turned 28 in May, and MadMax just turned 21. We went out to dinner last night and he could order a beer, have his ID checked, and be legal.
It's strange to think of them both being full-on adults. (Of course, maturity level is another question, but let's go with the legal definition for now.) It has only been a few days since MadMax caught his first fish at age 4, or PellMel went to her 70s-themed winter formal in a Goodwill dress that can only be described as a Twiggy-LisaFrank mashup. (I don't have time to dig up the picture right now but I will try to by Friday.)
Not being a born cook--as I know some of you are-- I'm good for about one meal a day. If I make breakfast, I don't feel like I should have to make dinner. If I made dinner the night before, I feel like you should be able to get your own breakfast together. Since we went out to dinner last night, and we'll probably be picking up takeout tonight, I made pancakes this morning. After breakfast, I went up to dry my hair, and when I came back, the kitchen was clean.
I'm telling you, adult children are awesome.
Also, they make me laugh. My kids have always been able to make me laugh--sometimes even when I was furious at them-- but it's a different kind of thing to sit around the dinner table and laugh with other adults, adults it turns out that you like as well as love.
Trivia I learned from the boyfriend: Cap'n Crunch is actually wearing a corporal's insignia on the cereal box, not a captain's. Who knew?
I'm sure I drive them nuts sometimes, and by the end of the week, maybe they'll be driving me nuts, but at this particular moment, I am beyond grateful for my adult kids.
It's strange to think of them both being full-on adults. (Of course, maturity level is another question, but let's go with the legal definition for now.) It has only been a few days since MadMax caught his first fish at age 4, or PellMel went to her 70s-themed winter formal in a Goodwill dress that can only be described as a Twiggy-LisaFrank mashup. (I don't have time to dig up the picture right now but I will try to by Friday.)
Not being a born cook--as I know some of you are-- I'm good for about one meal a day. If I make breakfast, I don't feel like I should have to make dinner. If I made dinner the night before, I feel like you should be able to get your own breakfast together. Since we went out to dinner last night, and we'll probably be picking up takeout tonight, I made pancakes this morning. After breakfast, I went up to dry my hair, and when I came back, the kitchen was clean.
I'm telling you, adult children are awesome.
Also, they make me laugh. My kids have always been able to make me laugh--sometimes even when I was furious at them-- but it's a different kind of thing to sit around the dinner table and laugh with other adults, adults it turns out that you like as well as love.
Trivia I learned from the boyfriend: Cap'n Crunch is actually wearing a corporal's insignia on the cereal box, not a captain's. Who knew?
I'm sure I drive them nuts sometimes, and by the end of the week, maybe they'll be driving me nuts, but at this particular moment, I am beyond grateful for my adult kids.
Friday, August 3, 2018
7ToF: searching for my lost shaker of salt
It's Thursday night, 11:17 at this moment, and I still haven't written a post for tomorrow. Usually I come back from vacation all revved up with things to write about, but for some reason it didn't happen this time.
1. Vacation reading report: I only finished two books, although there are a couple of others I'm still working on. Rules of Civility by Amor Towles (same guy who wrote Gentleman in Moscow) and The Summer Before the War, by Helen Simonson. I loved them both, but they are not fast-paced page-turners. Gently plotted books about interesting people. I found them both completely absorbing.
2. Gretchen Rubin of the Happier podcast did an episode on travel hacks this week-- tips and tricks to make travelling easier. There are some good suggestions, and it got me thinking about my own travel tricks. She mentions one I've been doing for twenty years now, ever since we got past the point where we were so broke that I couldn't imagine keeping two sets of anything: have a separate set of toiletries for travel so you don't have to pack them up every time you're going somewhere.
3. And I'll add my own twist that I've just started doing in the last year: refresh and refill your travel toiletries when you return from a trip instead of waiting until the night before you go on the next trip. That way it's fresh in your mind what needs to be refilled and what you wished you had with you.
4. I gave Dean a set of packing cubes for Christmas 4-5 years ago that he has never used. So I've gradually taken them over for packing various things, even though I wasn't sure the packing cube theory worked for me-- why is it so much better to have things zipped into cubes? But I have to admit I'm kind of growing into it. I've used one for chargers, cords, and headphones for a a couple of years now, and on this trip I used another one to pack up a swimsuit and a change of clothes. We checked two bags and only took one carry-on for the three of us, and that way I had a change of clothes in the carry-on in case our luggage got lost.
5. Where do you stand on the checked bag vs. carry-on issue? Theoretically I like the idea of not having to go to baggage claim when we arrive, but for a weeklong trip, those roll-aboards don't have much space. It's not the clothes I have a problem with-- I can fit a week's worth of clothes in a carry-on sized bag with no problem. (Another one of my travel tips: you never need as many clothes as you think you will.) It's the toiletries that are the problem. I cannot fit a week's worth of toiletries in a quart-size ziplock bag. Not happening. My days of getting by with a travel-size tube of toothpaste and the hotel shampoo are long gone.
6. I turned 57 last week. For some reason the difference between 56 and 57 feels much bigger to me than turning 56 last year. Maybe because now I'm unequivocally in my late 50s. But this transition isn't nearly as hard for me as turning 50. I think when when I was in my late 40s I had this self-delusion that I was still young, but turning 50 sort of ruins that dream. Now that I'm more comfortable with being older, it doesn't seem like such a big deal. Of course my internal age still feels much younger than my actual age (I feel like I'm 38, or maybe 42, how about you?), but that's universal. I don't think anyone in our age range feels as old as they actually are.
7. As I've told you about a dozen times before, the 40-year-old house we live in isn't air conditioned. Most of the year this isn't a problem, but for the last couple of years, mid-July through August has been pretty miserable. I broke down this week and went and bought a couple of those free standing room-size A/C units. It took a couple of days of fiddling to get them figured out, but I think they are going to help.
Currently reading: Love Walked In (fiction) by Maria de los Santos, Off the Clock: Feel Less Busy While Getting More Done (non-fiction) by Laura Vanderkam, The Tenth Island (memoir) by Diana Marcum.
Movie we watched this week: Ant Man on DVD, because I heard the sequel was fun and we might go see it. The first one was OK but not great.
Listening: Jimmy Buffett, since I'm learning to play "Margaritaville" on my bells.
And that's all the news from here. PellMel and her boyfriend are coming next week for their vacation, but I think I will still have time to write. (If nothing shows up, you'll know what happened.) Have a great weekend.
1. Vacation reading report: I only finished two books, although there are a couple of others I'm still working on. Rules of Civility by Amor Towles (same guy who wrote Gentleman in Moscow) and The Summer Before the War, by Helen Simonson. I loved them both, but they are not fast-paced page-turners. Gently plotted books about interesting people. I found them both completely absorbing.
2. Gretchen Rubin of the Happier podcast did an episode on travel hacks this week-- tips and tricks to make travelling easier. There are some good suggestions, and it got me thinking about my own travel tricks. She mentions one I've been doing for twenty years now, ever since we got past the point where we were so broke that I couldn't imagine keeping two sets of anything: have a separate set of toiletries for travel so you don't have to pack them up every time you're going somewhere.
3. And I'll add my own twist that I've just started doing in the last year: refresh and refill your travel toiletries when you return from a trip instead of waiting until the night before you go on the next trip. That way it's fresh in your mind what needs to be refilled and what you wished you had with you.
4. I gave Dean a set of packing cubes for Christmas 4-5 years ago that he has never used. So I've gradually taken them over for packing various things, even though I wasn't sure the packing cube theory worked for me-- why is it so much better to have things zipped into cubes? But I have to admit I'm kind of growing into it. I've used one for chargers, cords, and headphones for a a couple of years now, and on this trip I used another one to pack up a swimsuit and a change of clothes. We checked two bags and only took one carry-on for the three of us, and that way I had a change of clothes in the carry-on in case our luggage got lost.
5. Where do you stand on the checked bag vs. carry-on issue? Theoretically I like the idea of not having to go to baggage claim when we arrive, but for a weeklong trip, those roll-aboards don't have much space. It's not the clothes I have a problem with-- I can fit a week's worth of clothes in a carry-on sized bag with no problem. (Another one of my travel tips: you never need as many clothes as you think you will.) It's the toiletries that are the problem. I cannot fit a week's worth of toiletries in a quart-size ziplock bag. Not happening. My days of getting by with a travel-size tube of toothpaste and the hotel shampoo are long gone.
6. I turned 57 last week. For some reason the difference between 56 and 57 feels much bigger to me than turning 56 last year. Maybe because now I'm unequivocally in my late 50s. But this transition isn't nearly as hard for me as turning 50. I think when when I was in my late 40s I had this self-delusion that I was still young, but turning 50 sort of ruins that dream. Now that I'm more comfortable with being older, it doesn't seem like such a big deal. Of course my internal age still feels much younger than my actual age (I feel like I'm 38, or maybe 42, how about you?), but that's universal. I don't think anyone in our age range feels as old as they actually are.
7. As I've told you about a dozen times before, the 40-year-old house we live in isn't air conditioned. Most of the year this isn't a problem, but for the last couple of years, mid-July through August has been pretty miserable. I broke down this week and went and bought a couple of those free standing room-size A/C units. It took a couple of days of fiddling to get them figured out, but I think they are going to help.
Currently reading: Love Walked In (fiction) by Maria de los Santos, Off the Clock: Feel Less Busy While Getting More Done (non-fiction) by Laura Vanderkam, The Tenth Island (memoir) by Diana Marcum.
Movie we watched this week: Ant Man on DVD, because I heard the sequel was fun and we might go see it. The first one was OK but not great.
Listening: Jimmy Buffett, since I'm learning to play "Margaritaville" on my bells.
And that's all the news from here. PellMel and her boyfriend are coming next week for their vacation, but I think I will still have time to write. (If nothing shows up, you'll know what happened.) Have a great weekend.