7ToF: what a drag it isn't getting old

1. I like being 60. My fifties were transitional, and I'm not someone who deals well with change. 60 feels like I have arrived at something, although my friends who are already in their 60s seem a little mystified by this. I've written quite a bit about coming to terms with being a senior citizen and of course I'm not entirely there yet-- but once I made some semblance of a shift to thinking of myself as an elder, a crone, an old person, I really like it.

2. Which is why I've twice recently gotten myself into (briefly) tense situations. A couple of months ago, I was watching a movie with friends and when we paused for intermission (ie, snacks), one of them said, I refuse to say that I'm old. I don't feel old. and of course I couldn't keep my mouth shut about that, and I said I am embracing being old. That's one of the reasons our society has such a fixation with youth, I went on, because those of us who are old continue to chase after youth. If even those of us who are old are saying, ewwww, being old stinks! why should younger people think any different? Unsurprisingly, she was not convinced.

3. The next time was a few weeks ago when we were at a dinner party where everyone was about the same age (early sixties), but technically, I was the youngest one at the table. It was the week of Doug's 61st birthday, so I teased him that turning 60 is cool, but turning 61 is just old. There was this frozen half-second of silence (during which we can pause and recognize that I am sometimes a complete bonehead), and then one of the other women said with a fair amount of heat, why do you always have to remind us that you're the youngest one here? 

Which honestly kind of stunned me. First of all, I think of us as being the same age, because I'm 60 and the oldest person at the table is 63. Who the hell is worried about a two-and-a-half year age difference? I am as old as they are. And secondly, it's not insulting (in my opinion) to be old, although I reserve the right to tease and complain about it. I am continually surprised that people are so touchy about this. Why are we so brittle and sensitive around something that is a) inevitable, and b) not so bad?

4. My conclusion (besides the one about me being an insensitive idiot) is that our culture is just flat-out weird about aging, which we all already knew, so why am I even telling you these stories. I don't know. I guess I have to write about something.

5. Another thing people can be so touchy about: when someone asks me if I've seen whatever the latest TV sensation is, and I say I don't watch much TV because I'd rather read, a perfectly appropriate response would be: oh, that's too bad, you're missing some really great shows. Because that is true, and I know it. I'd still rather read, but I don't say it to be a snob, it's just my preference. The immediate assumption is that I'm bragging because somehow reading has a reputation for being intellectual and grandiose, while watching TV is supposedly pedestrian and dumb. 

6. Anyone who follows along here knows that I hardly have high-brow taste in reading. Among other things, I read cozy mysteries and romance novels and sci-fi (I'm in the middle of a Star Wars novel right now) and all sorts of genre fiction, some of which is fairly literary and some of which is really, uh, lightweight. But it's impossible to say, "I'd rather read than watch TV," without people assuming you're being a snob. So mostly I avoid  talking about it. A friend: Have you seen Killing Eve? (which I understand is seriously well-written and -acted), me: No, tell me about it!

7. This week's worthwhile listens:
- "How to Lose a War" on the SmartyPants podcast- an interview with Elizabeth D. Samet, who teaches English at West Point and has a unique window into the minds of people in the military. I was fascinated. (SmartyPants is the podcast of The American Scholar magazine.)
- "From Evangelical Pastor to Buddhist Nun" on the Ten Percent Happier podcast- if you're interested in either Evangelicalism or Buddhism, this one is also interesting. Probably you need to have a little basic knowledge about Buddhism to follow the conversation, but the general outline of her movement from Evangelicalism to Buddhism is pretty clear.
- I'm hit or miss on Gretchen Rubin's podcast Happier, but their episode on Burnout was thought-provoking. There's a difference between burnout and exhaustion, and the solutions to each are different, too.
- And of course I always plug the only podcast that I've continually listened to since I discovered podcasts: What Should I Read Next? hosted by Anne Bogel, which is usually just Anne interviewing some normal person about what they read and why, and then she recommends three books she thinks they might like. It's so much a part of my Tuesday morning routine that when she skips a week (as she did this week for spring break), my whole day feels off. Darn it, Anne.

I just realized that this will post on April Fool's Day and I spent about 30 seconds trying to think of a way to prank you, but that's never been my thing. Be careful out there.

7ToT: I laughed at all of your jokes, my love you didn't need to coax

1. Since the last time I've posted a personal update, we flew down to Texas for a family wedding. It was the first time I've flown since February 2020. It seemed pretty safe-- I've had covid, and since there are many medical or medical-adjacent people in our family, most have been vaccinated. 

2. I don't think I told you that when I had covid last November, I didn't notice any changes to my sense of taste or smell. But then about a month ago, suddenly I could taste and smell again. It was subtle enough that I hadn't really noticed until it came back. Sort of like going from black&white to technicolor in the Wizard of Oz.

3. I've lived in Montana for so long now that I've lost the ability to dress the way people dress in other places. Around here, dressing up means you wear your new jeans. Or maybe your black jeans. I've never been to anything in Montana, no matter how fancy or formal, where there weren't people wearing jeans. Of course, if it's formal, some will dress up, but there are always jeans. 

4. The wedding in Texas was stated to be formal on the invitation, which is something I don't think I've ever even seen on a wedding invitation here locally. I ordered a couple of dresses from Nordstrom's, neither of which suited me or fit right, so finally I sent them back and pulled an old dress out of the back of my closet. Since I almost never dress up, even though it's an "old" dress, I'd only worn it once. It fit perfectly, and it was comfortable, and I had a pair of shoes to match, so I thought it was a total win. But there were no sequins or shiny bits, and I don't wear high heels. I didn't realize how under-dressed I was until I started looking at pictures after we got back. Oops. But I was only aunt of the bride, so probably nobody cared. 

5. This week's Interesting Listen: George Saunders (author of Tenth of December and Lincoln in the Bardo) has a new book out and he's been making the rounds of several of the podcasts I follow. He is always interesting. I was fascinated by his conversation with the So Many Damn Books guys. He is both a great writer and a long time teacher of writing (at Syracuse)(where Mary Karr also teaches, an embarrassment of riches), so if you're interested in Saunders or writing or teaching writing, definitely worth a listen. 

5a) bonus listen. I'm more cheap than I am vain, so chances are slim I will ever do cosmetic surgery or procedures (never say never, I guess). But if you're curious about what exactly people mean when they say they've "had a little work done," I thought this episode of Laura Tremaine's pod was fascinating.

6. This week's Interesting Read: Also if you're interested in writing or teaching writing, don't miss Craft in the Real World by Matthew Salesses. It's about reimagining the writing workshop, which has been hallowed ground in creative writing programs since the 1950s. He talks about the experience of being someone who is not a white straight cis male in a system that was designed for white straight cis males. Even when I disagreed, it was fascinating, but usually I was nodding my head. (for the record, that is not an affiliate link).

7. I got so tangled up trying to write part two of that last post that I punted. And because the problem was that I really, truly couldn't figure out what I was trying to say, it led to several days of deep thinking (danger, Will Robinson). Which in turn led to the not-very-surprising realization that I need some time away. I told you I was going to do this a couple of weeks ago, but then I kept on posting. It's hard to get out of the habit! Thanks for checking in. See y'around.

Attention span strategies: things to listen to

Presumably, we're all at home, and looking for things to do. (And if you have an essential job, and you're not at home, thank you. I hope the people you're helping are grateful, too.) I have plenty of things that I could be doing around the house, but there's my ADD problem. I work hard on a task for about ten or fifteen minutes, then I get distracted and drift off to check on (fill in the blank), and then I pick up my phone because someone texted me, and an hour later I remember I was working on that task, which is now a glaring reminder of how I supposedly never finish anything.

I will tell you my one life lesson for dealing with this. And if you're not ADD, this won't apply, so you can skip down a couple of paragraphs. In the past, before I knew about adult ADD, I would go through this cycle (start a task--drift away--cringe), and I would feel like a failure. I would compare myself with someone who could sit down and work with focus until they were finished, and I would--just below the level of conscious thought--start to berate myself. You're so dumb. You didn't even finish that task. You can't finish anything. You're a mess. You FAIL at everything. And I would feel bad, and the unfinished project would remind me that I felt bad, so I would quit.

But now that I understand how this works, the plan is to dump the judgment, remind myself that this is just the way my brain works, and go back to the unfinished project. I can't claim I'm 100% at this. Sometimes I still get into the failure mindset. But I'm way better.

Now I even build it into my plans--OK, I've got about 20-30 minutes of attention time here that I can split it up into two or three tasks. Ten minutes to unload the dishwasher. Ten minutes to start a load of laundry. Ten minutes to straighten up the living room. Then I get a break-- twenty minutes of reading, or instagram, or whatever. If you're the type that can blast through things without faltering, that will sound like such a waste of time. But if you're like me, you can get a whole hell of a lot done by breaking your work into 10-15 minute intervals, and circling back to complete things that take longer than that.

And also, make lists. That way you can keep track of what you're supposed to be doing.

OK, so no surprise here, that was a tangent. This post is supposed to be about things to listen to while you're doing mindless chores, another great strategy for staying on task. Things like folding laundry, or standing six feet apart from people in line at the post office, or walking the dog, are considerably less boring if you're listening to something. And if I'm not bored, I have an easier time staying with what I'm doing.

I have these bluetooth earphones which I bought before I was avoiding amazon, and they work great. You can tap the button on the right earbud to pause what you're listening to so when you get to the front of the line at the post office, you don't have to dig out your phone.

Audiobooks work sometimes for me, but honestly, I mainly listen to audiobooks on road trips--and again, it's that attention span thing. Listening to an audiobook requires more of an investment in keeping up with a plot and characters, whereas listening to a podcast can be a lot like eavesdropping on the people behind you in line, or next to you at the coffee shop.

I just did a search to see when was the last time I talked about this, and I was a little embarrassed to see how many times I've told you about my favorite podcasts. So I will skip that this time, because for the most part I'm still listening to the same ones. But I have listened to some individual episodes of podcasts that aren't on my usual rotation that were super interesting to me. Here you go:

Ten Things to Tell You, episode #57, Is it anxiety or intuition?    (not usually a fan of this podcast, but someone recommended this episode and it is good)
Without Fail, Feb 17 2020, The Church of John Green (starts slowly)
Reply All podcast, episode #158, The Case of the Missing Hit
Throughline podcast, "Apocalypse Now" 6/12/19
    (fascinating history of evangelicalism in the US)
Without Fail, Oct 7 2019 "The Cyclist Who Blew the Whistle on Doping"

And in case you haven't heard, Brené Brown has just started a podcast called Unlocking Us. I've only listened to the first episode so far, but it was good.

Stay healthy, stay safe, and as much as you can, stay home. And pass along any podcast recommendations you have.

7ToF: November podcast roundup

This is going up late, which most of you probably won't even notice, but if you did, apologies. I wrote almost two entire posts yesterday but they were both so meandering that I decided to spare you. Either I'll work on them and repost them, or I'll ditch them. By the time I'd finished those, I was out of ideas. And by the way, this got really long and wordy, so save it for when you have time.

1. The only podcast I listen to every week, usually on the day it comes out, is What Should I Read Next, a podcast for readers hosted by Anne Bogel. Highly recommended. Of course some episodes are better than others, but I have yet to listen to a bad one, and the most recent one with book recommendations for Christmas gifts was great.

The rest of these I listen to whenever I need to pass the time on a drive or whatever, so some of them are old episodes even though I only listened to them recently.

2. Happier podcast, episode 185, Create a Facts of Life Book. Gretchen and Liz, the hosts, recommend putting together a document or a notebook that has all your accounts and passwords and whatever information your surviving spouse or children or executor would need if something happened to you (I created a spreadsheet because I loooooove me some spreadsheets). I've been meaning to do this for years, so it was an excellent reminder. They have lots of good tips in this episode and then more ideas from their listeners a couple of episodes later.

I'm the one in our family who handles most of the financial stuff, so it only took a couple of hours to put it together. But if I'm in an ICU for ten days somewhere, or some unspecified worse scenario, it will enable someone else to step in and figure out what bills are on auto-pay, which ones aren't, what automatic online subscriptions we have (Netflix, Amazon Prime, etc), where our long-term care insurance is, or whatever else they need to know.

3. The funny thing is, though, that I was really paranoid about it. I did it the day before I was leaving on a trip, and I had this freakishly unshakable feeling that if I did this, I would die on the trip. So if you have a similar feeling, I am happy to report that I have been on three trips since then-- one solo, and two with Dean-- and I am still alive and healthy. It was really weird how strong that feeling was. The only thing that got me to push through it was thinking, well, if I really am about to die, then this really is necessary.

4. On the By the Book podcast, the hosts Kristen and Jolenta read a self-help book and try to live by it for a week, then report back on how it worked (so you listen to two episodes to get the full report). I find them somewhat annoying, because they often gleefully bash books that have been helpful to thousands of readers and then get their feelings hurt when people bash back. (What did you expect?) But, on the other hand, they usefully summarize the contents of various books, so I don't have to read them, and that is a total win. And also I usually agree with them when they're bashing, so it's not so bad (their episode on The Secret was hilarious).

5. On their August 16, 2018 episode, they read a book called The Curated Closet, about figuring out what to wear and how to organize your closet. I almost didn't listen to this one, because as you know I've already obsessed about closet organization and decluttering, and I am not one to think much about what clothes I wear beyond do I have a clean pair of jeans, but it ended up being pretty helpful. The author recommends pulling your favorite outfits out of the closet, the ones that are the most comfortable and make you feel most like yourself, and then figuring out what makes them work. Then once you've got that figured out, clear out the stuff that doesn't meet that criteria, and more importantly don't buy anything new that doesn't fit that criteria. I haven't actually done this yet, but I've thought about it a lot and it has been useful. Also it has helped me avoid making a couple of recent purchases that I probably would have otherwise.

6. I'm still listening to Enneagram podcasts. I'm less enamored of the system than I was at first, because that's what happens, I think. At first, it's so helpful and it explains so much, and then the more you dig into it, the more you start realizing some pretty unlikeable things about yourself that you'd been blind to before. That has helped me understand why it's so popular with Evangelicals these days (even though it's not at all bible-based), because it's like the doctrine of original sin. If you dig down far enough, you are bad.

That's not the only way to take it, of course, but certain Enneagram experts really do take it that direction (no surprise, the books by Evangelical authors are most likely to do this). But I can't tell you how helpful the Enneagram has been for me, as someone who approaches life through their intellect, to get a handle on certain things about myself I've never understood. I'm in an entirely different place than I was a few months ago when I wrote this post, and although there are several reasons for that, the main one, I think, is the enneagram studying I've done. Podcasts to try: Enneagram for Idiots (lots of NSFW language, but fun and interesting), Typology, and Conscious Construction.

7. I've just recently started listening to The Liturgists, which has three hosts who discuss Christianity from an informed and non-dogmatic point of view. Their third episode on reading the Bible was fascinating. And they just recently completed a five-part series where they asked various people, "Do you identify as Christian? Why or why not?" So far, highly recommended.

Well, this got pretty long and wordy but maybe it will give you some good ideas for podcasts that might interest you. Have a great weekend.

7ToF: If you could only have one color of toenail polish, what would it be? Some version of dark teal for me, I think.

1. I’ve been reading another decluttering book. It’s a less obnoxious than Marie Kondo, but still has some major eye roll moments. I’m working on our bathroom right now—which is an easy task since it is tiny, with a pedastal sink and has no cabinets other than the over-the-sink medicine cabinet we installed when we moved in. The author of this book wants your bathroom countertops to be completely bare. You can have a candle or a potted plant, but nothing else. In other words, your bathroom will look like a hotel.

2. I’m not really a candle fan, and I avoid house plants because I kill them, so that would mean I could have absolutely nothing on the counter. Which is Not Happening. Especially because there are no cabinets, and thus no countertops, in our bathroom. We have a vanity with a sink in our bedroom, and that’s where all my bathroom crap is. My God, she would go ballistic. ALL THAT CLUTTER, AND A SINK IN THE BEDROOM. But you know, our renovation funds only stretched so far and completely rebuilding the master bed/bath was way outside our budget.

3. Why in the world am I always so much wordier than I meant to be? This was only going to be one Thing. So anyway, I did decide that I would try to at least cut back, so that the only things on the counter (on the vanity in our bedroom) are the things I use every day. Everything else has to go underneath in the cabinet. And I have to admit (grudgingly), it does look better. Although I don't think it exactly makes me feel calm and serene.

4. Also, she wants you to limit yourself to one bottle of fingernail polish, one bottle of shampoo, one eye shadow, and so on. Doesn’t she ever have moods? What if she wants green toenail polish one week and fuchsia the next? (says the woman whose toenails are navy blue at the moment). Does she just throw out each color as she gets the next one? Probably not. Probably she is that put-together person who has a signature toenail color, and a signature scent, and all her bath towels match. More power to you, lady, but that’s a little twee for me.

5. (It’s possible that I’ve been overusing the word twee recently but it is so perfect: “excessively or affectedly quaint, pretty, or sentimental” according to Google.)

6. Major new tool in my battle with my phone: I have an iPhone, a 6-Plus, which I love so much that I may just get another one when this one dies. I upgraded to the new iPhone operating system (iOS12) this week and was happy to discover that they've included a new app called "Screen Time" that tracks your screen time by application, and also lets you set limits for how much you want to be on your phone. So far it's by application group, which is less helpful than it could be (for example, both text messaging and Instagram, which are two entirely different things if you ask me, are included in Social Networking)-- but still it has been great. If you go over the time that you specified, you can choose to ignore the time limit, or get a reminder in 15 minutes. So far, love it. 

(Also, if you're setting it up on a teen's phone, you can require a passcode to override the limits, but since I'm just using it as a reminder to myself of how I want to spend my time, I haven't used that feature.)

7.  Food for Thought: I tried a new podcast called Conscious Construction. In the episode I tried (from August 16th), the host Abi Robins interviewed a therapist named Matt Inman, who talks about how to live inefficiently. Our culture prizes efficiency: maximize profit! speed through your to-do list! get more done! streamline your workflow! But the things that make life enjoyable, the things that make life memorable, are things that are inefficient, that accomplish nothing—playing Uno with your kids, sitting and watching the sunset, playing a musical instrument badly just because it’s fun. I mean, let’s face it, dancing around the kitchen while you’re fixing dinner slows you down. I could become a big fan of inefficiency.

So, that’s it for me. I’m pre-writing my posts for next week since I’ll be out of town, but as long as I get them scheduled right (always a dicey proposition), they’ll show up on time. Let’s be inefficient this weekend! Have a good one!

7ToF: I was just cutting the grass under the window there

1. Well, I decided not to write an entire post on the Enneagram yet (mainly because I can't find my book). So I'll just say that I started out skeptical--it sounded kind of like astrology-- but have ended up being really impressed with what I've learned from my Enneagram number. You take the quiz (because of course there's a quiz), but then unlike all the other typing systems, you read through the descriptions and decide for yourself which one fits you best.

2. Enneagram types are numbered 1 to 9. I think I am a 5, the Observer type. Among other characteristics, Observers like to watch people and listen to them--which is so true of me. I am endlessly entertained by people watching (airports, malls, coffee shops), and I can eavesdrop by the hour (more on this topic when the book turns up).

3. So, since I like listening to people talk, especially people who are smart and funny, I love podcasts. I've listened to podcasts on and off for years, but I've only recently been serious about figuring out how to subscribe to my favorites so I can listen to them regularly. I use Overcast, a podcast app that has a few more options than the standard podcast app that came with my phone. I've only had it a couple of weeks but so far I like it.

4. So what podcasts am I hooked on? First of all, What Should I Read Next, which is Anne Bogel (Modern Mrs. Darcy) interviewing people about their reading habits and then recommending books she thinks they'll enjoy. That probably sounds a bit dry, but if you love to read, it ends up being really fun to listen to fellow readers sit and talk about books. Some episodes are better than others, of course, but this is the show that hooked me into being a regular podcast listener. Also, Anne's personality is charming. That's kind of a dicey word to use, but I can't think of a more accurate one to describe her podcast persona. Verdict: if you're a reader, don't miss.

5. Popcast. Popcast is really just co-hosts Jamie and Knox gossiping about pop culture. With every single episode, I find myself thinking at some point Why do I listen to this? I'm about twenty years older than their target audience, I don't watch reality TV (no judgment there, it's just not for me), and about half the time I have no idea who they're talking about. But then --and this also happens at least once in every single episode-- one of them says something that's so nuts that I laugh till I cry. And then they'll reference something that I do get-- like tomato sandwiches in Harriet the Spy-- and I think, OK, I'm in for at least one more episode, and then after a couple of months, I found myself looking forward to listening to new episodes the day they came out. They are having a ball and that enjoyment is infectious. Verdict: Really, really fun.

6. Happier with Gretchen Rubin. You all know how I've argued with Gretchen Rubin in my head about her book The Four Tendencies. So I wasn't sure I'd like her podcast. But it turns out that it's interesting and entertaining. She co-hosts with her sister Elizabeth, who sounds like she's about as opposite as can be from Gretchen, but they clearly feel a great deal of affection for each other, and it's fun to listen to them talk. Also, you pick up some great "life hacks" for making your personal world a better, more functional place. Verdict: Gretchen's down-to-earth, practical advice for improving your life is a goldmine of helpful ideas.

Also recommended: 10% Happier: The Podcast, The Big Boo Cast, By the Book, Fresh Air, This American Life.

7. In Other News: "Internet Things Worth Reading" Department: A NYTimes piece about Why You Should Stop Being So Hard on Yourself. Turns out we're practically programmed to be hard on ourselves. Maybe all those dumb things I do are just not that big a deal.

and that's it for me. Let me know if you have other don't-miss podcast recommendations. Have a great weekend.