Tuesday, March 31, 2020

Attention span strategies: things to listen to

Presumably, we're all at home, and looking for things to do. (And if you have an essential job, and you're not at home, thank you. I hope the people you're helping are grateful, too.) I have plenty of things that I could be doing around the house, but there's my ADD problem. I work hard on a task for about ten or fifteen minutes, then I get distracted and drift off to check on (fill in the blank), and then I pick up my phone because someone texted me, and an hour later I remember I was working on that task, which is now a glaring reminder of how I supposedly never finish anything.

I will tell you my one life lesson for dealing with this. And if you're not ADD, this won't apply, so you can skip down a couple of paragraphs. In the past, before I knew about adult ADD, I would go through this cycle (start a task--drift away--cringe), and I would feel like a failure. I would compare myself with someone who could sit down and work with focus until they were finished, and I would--just below the level of conscious thought--start to berate myself. You're so dumb. You didn't even finish that task. You can't finish anything. You're a mess. You FAIL at everything. And I would feel bad, and the unfinished project would remind me that I felt bad, so I would quit.

But now that I understand how this works, the plan is to dump the judgment, remind myself that this is just the way my brain works, and go back to the unfinished project. I can't claim I'm 100% at this. Sometimes I still get into the failure mindset. But I'm way better.

Now I even build it into my plans--OK, I've got about 20-30 minutes of attention time here that I can split it up into two or three tasks. Ten minutes to unload the dishwasher. Ten minutes to start a load of laundry. Ten minutes to straighten up the living room. Then I get a break-- twenty minutes of reading, or instagram, or whatever. If you're the type that can blast through things without faltering, that will sound like such a waste of time. But if you're like me, you can get a whole hell of a lot done by breaking your work into 10-15 minute intervals, and circling back to complete things that take longer than that.

And also, make lists. That way you can keep track of what you're supposed to be doing.

OK, so no surprise here, that was a tangent. This post is supposed to be about things to listen to while you're doing mindless chores, another great strategy for staying on task. Things like folding laundry, or standing six feet apart from people in line at the post office, or walking the dog, are considerably less boring if you're listening to something. And if I'm not bored, I have an easier time staying with what I'm doing.

I have these bluetooth earphones which I bought before I was avoiding amazon, and they work great. You can tap the button on the right earbud to pause what you're listening to so when you get to the front of the line at the post office, you don't have to dig out your phone.

Audiobooks work sometimes for me, but honestly, I mainly listen to audiobooks on road trips--and again, it's that attention span thing. Listening to an audiobook requires more of an investment in keeping up with a plot and characters, whereas listening to a podcast can be a lot like eavesdropping on the people behind you in line, or next to you at the coffee shop.

I just did a search to see when was the last time I talked about this, and I was a little embarrassed to see how many times I've told you about my favorite podcasts. So I will skip that this time, because for the most part I'm still listening to the same ones. But I have listened to some individual episodes of podcasts that aren't on my usual rotation that were super interesting to me. Here you go:

Ten Things to Tell You, episode #57, Is it anxiety or intuition?    (not usually a fan of this podcast, but someone recommended this episode and it is good)
Without Fail, Feb 17 2020, The Church of John Green (starts slowly)
Reply All podcast, episode #158, The Case of the Missing Hit
Throughline podcast, "Apocalypse Now" 6/12/19
    (fascinating history of evangelicalism in the US)
Without Fail, Oct 7 2019 "The Cyclist Who Blew the Whistle on Doping"

And in case you haven't heard, Brené Brown has just started a podcast called Unlocking Us. I've only listened to the first episode so far, but it was good.

Stay healthy, stay safe, and as much as you can, stay home. And pass along any podcast recommendations you have.

Saturday, March 28, 2020

Alone Again, Naturally Happily. (Apologies to those of you who are old enough to remember that song.)

I was born in 1961, right at the end of the era where the entire culture was pretty much in agreement that you should conform to what was expected of you. The Culture of Conformity, I've heard it called. Things started to change as the 60s went on, and blew wide open in the 70s, but when I was a kid, everybody went to church on Sunday. Divorce was a stigma you'd never live down. Gay? Bi? Trans? Multi-racial? Anything other than being what you were supposed to be was not just frowned on but capital-W Wrong.

One of the things that was frowned on was being an introvert. Obviously it wasn't nearly as traumatic as being gay or trans or any number of other things, but it was still a problem. It was seen as something that was wrong, and you needed to be coached and trained and bullied into being cheerful and perky, chatty and social. My mom just didn't understand how I could enjoy being by myself. Her life was a closely interconnected web of family and friends, and she was (and is) happiest when all her people know each other and keep up with what's happening in each other's lives. To her, that's the way life should be.

And honestly, I'm pretty grateful to her. That I have any social skills at all is because she worked so hard to make sure that I did. But it also set up this constant feeling of being wrong. What I wanted to do was sit on the sidelines, wherever we were, and observe. People watch. Think big thoughts. Daydream. Or even better, read a book. But that was not allowed in our social circle. If the group was doing something, you were supposed to be participating-- kickball, sock hops, ice breaker games.

Oh, Lord, can we just pause for a minute and consider the horror of ice breaker games. *shudders*

Anyway. I wanted to be loved and approved and accepted, so I tried. I tried really hard. But it set up this dynamic where I became convinced that what I wanted to do wasn't what I was supposed to be doing, and what I should be doing was never anything I wanted to do. Life as Continuous Chore.

This is all stuff that I've been vaguely aware of for years, especially after reading Susan Cain's terrific book Quiet. But it has resurfaced again this week, as more and more of the things that I do have been canceled due to COVID-19. I can just stay at home, without feeling guilty. There is nothing else I'm supposed to be doing. In fact, what I'm supposed to be doing is staying home, and since Dean's job is essential and he is working harder than ever, most of the time I'm home alone.

It's.... weird. I mean, I know it's weird for everybody, I'm just explaining my particular version of weird. I can't quite relax into it. It seems so wrong to be doing what I want to do with no guilt or resentment or fear of disapproval. It's kind of amazingly cool.

Hope everyone is holding up at your house. And if you're home with kids, I..... well, you have my deep sympathy. I'm praying blanket prayers for all parents sheltering in place with their kids. I'd have murdered mine by now.

Tuesday, March 24, 2020

dispatch from home

1. We had plenty of time to talk about pandemics last week as we self-quarantined here in our house on our Not-a-Vacation. Here is my Not-an-Expert takeaway. Among the many complex factors involved in pandemics, two of them are the rate of complications/mortality, and the rate of contagion--how easily you can catch the disease as you, say, walk through an airport. AIDS and Ebola had high percentages of complications and mortality, but they were difficult to catch. In fact, it wasn't possible to catch them while walking through an airport.

COVID-19, on the other hand, appears to be pretty contagious, but thankfully has a relatively low rate of complications/mortality. If an otherwise healthy adult comes down with COVID-19, the great risk isn't that you'll die from it--although that is possible, as are complications-- but that you'll pass it on to someone who is not so healthy and thus is at much higher risk. You probably already know this, unless you've been living under a rock. And if you have, good idea! Stay there.

2. Anyway. All of that was to say, we are lucky that we're having this as our massive wake-up call. Because if something comes along that is both highly contagious and also deadly, we're in for it. We can look at COVID-19 like a practice round. Sadly it's a practice round with dire consequences for 2-5% of our population. Be safe, people. Stay home.

3. I knew that. I know that. But it's so hard to take it seriously. I'm not a person who has ever been afraid of viruses, head colds, or the winter crud that everyone around here gets and can't shake for weeks. I keep catching myself thinking, I could just run out and get a few more things. We're almost out of yogurt. I forgot to get hamburger buns. Maybe I should pick up some batteries.  And since there weren't any confirmed COVID-19 cases at our hospital before Friday, I probably did more running around than I should have. Not a lot, but you know, some.

4. Then today I woke up with a dry throat and some muscle aches and now I am panicking. If I have it, it's probably not going to do anything other than make me feel sick for a few days. But if I have it, I've probably had it for 4-5 days before the symptoms showed up, and there was that last-minute running around. What if I am Typhoid Mary? What if our town suddenly turns into a COVID-19 hotspot, and I'm the one responsible for spreading it around?

5. So, yeah, I hope you are rolling your eyes at my ability to make everything all about me. Because if I have it, I almost certainly got it here locally, and that means it's well on its way around our town and couldn't possibly all my fault. But that paranoid fear has been strong enough that I am now committed to staying home. As I probably should have been all along.

6. There will be an easy way to find out if I have it, because we were packed in this house like sardines last week on our Not-a-Vacation, and PellMel was required to be tested today before she could go back to the hospital where she works. She left before there were any warnings against travel within the US and nobody had any idea how quickly things would change. Now they are requiring anyone who has been out of state to be tested before they can return to work. She'll have her results tomorrow, and then we'll know. Because if she's got it, we've all got it. Lemmings in shiny metal boxes and all that. Although we may have done more running around than we should have, we really didn't do much.

In fact, I'll wait to post this until I can tell you her results. (IT WAS NEGATIVE. PHEW.)

7. Back in the first week of March, when there was something dire on the horizon, I did some stocking up--not hoarding, but enough so that we could stay home for 3-4 weeks. I might have bought a 12-pack of toilet paper instead of the usual 9-pack, but that was about as extreme as I got. Of course, I didn't buy any perishables, because we were going on vacation, right?

Then we didn't leave town, and three people with young-person appetites came and stayed with us for a week, and just about all of my carefully stocked food was eaten. (Fortunately, we still have a fair amount of toilet paper. *she says drily*)(ha. did not intend that pun, but it made me smile.)

*shrugs* I'm still glad they came. We're not going to starve, although we may eat some strange meals. So here I am. I've got plenty to keep me busy: our taxes, for starters, which we decided to go ahead and get done even though the deadline has been extended. Hope you are able to stay home, too, and if you have some kind of essential job, thank you for being out there.

Monday, March 16, 2020

The vacation that wasn't. And Emma.

We were supposed to head south with our kids this week for spring break, but the day before we left, the director of the NIH said he wouldn't recommend non-essential travel right now. So we canceled our plans, and if you've ever tried to cancel air travel, hotels, rental cars, and tee times, you'll know exactly what kind of day I had on Saturday. Ugh.

Fortunately, the hotels later in the week and the rental car were easily refundable (even though I had pre-paid the rental car). But we had to pay a pretty hefty cancellation fee on the airfare and the hotel where we were supposed to stay the first night. Still trying to get that part of it figured out. I'm just telling myself that a) we're doing the right thing, and b) we're spending way less money on a staycation here at home than we would have on a real vacation somewhere else. So maybe it will even out.

Both kids drove home over the weekend-- there are still only a few cases of Covid-19 in Montana, so it seemed fairly safe. We're having fun. We played a board game called "Pandemic" tonight, and it was fun, but a little complicated and a lot too relevant. The scariest thing about this virus (to me, anyway) is how little is known about it. Be safe, my gentle readers.

We went to see the new Emma. movie last week. What worked: most previous adaptations of Jane Austen's novels have pretty much left the servants out of it. This one was more realistic for the time period. They don't have many speaking parts, but the servants are definitely there in the scene, and having them there led to some moments of humor. Also, all the minor characters were great, and the costumes were beautiful.

What didn't work so well for me was (were?) the two main actors. The woman who played Emma was OK, but not especially great. There was a lot of crying, and I don't remember any crying in the book. (That's possibly the fault of my memory since I haven't read the book in four or five years.) And the guy who played Mr. Knightley was just miscast, if you ask me.

But cue Bonnie Raitt, "Angel in Montgomery": I am an old woman.... because I certainly feel like it after reading the reviews by real film critics. Both actors got universal accolades, so I guess I am just too old to appreciate this new interpretation of one of my favorite books. I'd give it a C+, I think. Maybe a B-. Although I did enjoy watching it as a period piece, and I am sure I will watch it again at some point. And lord, was Bill Nighy severely underused.

That's it for me right now. I'm not sure if I'll post again this week, but then if we get bored with social distancing, maybe I will drive you crazy thinking up things to write about.

Friday, March 6, 2020

Things My Mama Taught Me #11: Never Run out of Toilet Paper

1. A friend told me that Costco was out of toilet paper the day she'd been there because of all the people panic-stocking for possible quarantine. That caused my own moment of panic, because we really were out of toilet paper. The last two rolls in the house were in use in our two bathrooms. Fortunately, Target came through-- apparently, Target shoppers are not panicked. There was an entire wall of toilet paper. And I was at Costco yesterday and they must have restocked because there was plenty. Phew.

2. I've had a cold all week, and I have to admit that I wondered (briefly) if I was becoming Typhoid Mary after picking up the dreaded virus on the plane last week (more about that in a minute). But my in-house medical expert tells me I don't have the right symptoms, so just a boring, regular cold it is. I have to say it is particularly tenacious. I thought I was practically well yesterday but this morning I am worse.

(Not sure what it means that after not posting for a month, I sat down to post again on a day when I am sick. Probably just that there's not much else I will get done today.)

3. Neither of us really had anything we wanted for Christmas, so we decided instead of presents we would get new flooring for our downstairs. Eight years ago when we moved in, we had so totally blown our renovation budget that we bought cheap carpet that (predictably) was looking pretty gnarly. It's not a lot of space-- just two rooms (also a storeroom and a furnace room are down there, but they're cement and didn't count for this). We picked out the new flooring on Dec 28th, paid for it the first week in January, and they just finished installing it on Tuesday. I will not bore you with the long story of why it took so long, but I am so glad it is finally done. And more importantly, we love it.

4. The laundry room is one of the rooms downstairs, so my washer and dryer have been sitting out in the garage, useless, for more than three weeks. I've been to the laundromat twice to do the essentials, which is a pain, but (honestly) not really that bad since I can get five loads of laundry done in two hours, and have time to sit and read to boot. Last night we finally got our own washer and dryer hooked up again, and I'm on the second load already. There are mountains of laundry waiting to be done, it will take days to catch up. Fortunately, as I've told you before, laundry is the one household chore I don't mind, so it could be worse.

5. One of my favorite things in a book is inventive use of language. If you're the same, highly recommend Motherless Brooklyn, The Hollow Kingdom, and Tuesday Mooney Talks to Ghosts. All five-star reads for me. Also The Idiot, although that one I only enjoyed for the first half, it kind of devolved after that. "Inventive use of language" might make them sound arcane and hard to read, but all of them were fun books that I flew through.

6. I've become addicted to the NYTimes crossword puzzle app. I didn't subscribe (yet)--it's something like $9.99 per month-- but there are a fair number of free puzzles, including a new mini-puzzle every day, and then you can buy packs of puzzles for $3.99 that last for several weeks, for a novice like me, anyway. So far here is my one solid clue that I can pass on: three letters, "designer initials" is always YSL. Actually, you probably know that, because I knew it the first time I saw it. It just has suprised me how often it appears in puzzles--maybe one in ten.

7. A couple of weeks ago I flew down to Louisiana (my sister) and Texas (my mom and my other sister) to get out of the cold for a few days. It was a great trip. Dean went with me for the first few days, then flew back home for work stuff he couldn't miss. We had so much fun eating great Louisiana food and watching a Mardi Gras parade (apparently they're not quite as wildly crazy the weekend before, esp where we were at the beginning of the parade route--it was pretty family friendly and there were hundreds of kids running around and perched on ladders so they could see).

But it wasn't very warm-- only about ten degrees warmer than it was here. So we are extra glad that spring already seems to be coming back at home. Now I just have to get over this cold. Have a great weekend. We re-watched the BBC Emma with Romola Garai as Emma and Jonny Lee Miller as Mr. Knightley this week. The first time I saw it, I didn't like it because the two main characters were so different than I had them pictured in my head. Emma seemed too friendly. But over time I have come to love it--she is still definitely a snob, just a friendly one. She has some truly awful moments, and there are a couple of great scenes where she and Jonny Lee Miller go toe-to-toe. The new version of Emma opens here this weekend, so I hope I will be able to report back next week.

QOTW (Question of the week) -- is Emma a Taming of the Shrew plot? It kind of is. Except she's not being bargained away in marriage by her father (in fact, the opposite), and her sister is already married. Hmmmmm.