Just in case you are not an introvert and you're wondering.
I think there are (at least) two kinds of introverts. There are the kind of introverts who avoid groups as much as they can, but really enjoy intense one-on-one conversations. If you're dealing with that kind of introvert, don't invite them out for a drink with a group of work friends, invite them out for lunch with just the two of you, and be prepared to go deep into whatever subject(s) your introvert wants to discuss.
That is not the kind of introvert I am. I am the kind of introvert who mostly would rather stay home, but if I'm going to make myself go out, I want to go with a group. I will not necessarily participate, but I will observe, notice, laugh along. I love sitting with a group of my friends, listening and enjoying their company. Not that I would sit there like a lump— I ask questions, comment, sympathize— but I’d rather not have the attention on me, all heads turned in my direction.
Never underestimate an introvert's deep-seated anxiety about how they will come up with things to talk about. A car ride with one other person? what the heck will we talk about? a coffee date with a friend I just saw last week? what will we talk about? (I just saw you!) My need to see my friends again is about three weeks longer than theirs is, I think. I can't imagine talking to someone on the phone every day. What would we talk about?
This is one of the deepest anxieties of my life. It even happens with therapists. You can't shut me up for the first session or two while I'm explaining what's going on, but then I just sort of ... peter out. We just talked about that last week, how in the world will I be able to talk about it again for an hour? AN HOUR? I guess I just don't process things verbally.
If you want an introvert to come to a party that they are resisting, give them a job to do. Keep the ice bucket filled and pick up empty cups (if they're the type of person that wouldn't mind doing that)(I am exactly that type of person). Run the spotify playlist. Give them a clipboard with survey questions on it. Take tickets at the door. Whatever. Just don't expect them to be excited about having to come up with things to talk about for three hours.
I thought I was going to have a lot to say on this topic but that's kind of it, I guess.
Ok, well, here's an anecdote. Years ago, like maybe 25 years ago, long before we had the terminology of being on the spectrum, a friend of mine whose son is autistic told me, "you should tell people you're autistic, even though you're not, not really. Because then they wouldn't expect you to be.... " she paused, and I realized later she was worried about hurting my feelings, "... normal." My feelings were not hurt. I don't think I've ever felt so seen. I do think if I were a child now that I would be on the spectrum, but now everyone thinks that, so who knows. Maybe we're all just awkward and anti-social.
so yeah. Just leave me the fuck alone. ha. My spouse keeps threatening to get me a t-shirt that says sorry I'm late I didn't want to come.
No comments:
Post a Comment