This was originally going to be a long (probably boring) series of posts with a full post for each topic, but the more I tried to sit down and type them out, the more resistance I encountered within myself. So in the long tradition of solving writer's block by making lists, here are the things that are working for me right now-- not intended to be your list, or even really advice, but just to get you thinking about ways you can deepen your experience, slow down a bit, and treasure the texture of right now.
Sorry, that sounds a bit twee, but that's part of the problem, isn't it? Our culture defines anything that takes spirituality seriously as a bit twee and ridiculous. Don't let that deter you: keep working on it when you can, and make your own list.
1. In the brief periods of my experience when I have tried to reject spirituality entirely, the losses I have felt most keenly are the experiences of reverence, awe, mystery, and community. Those don't all mean the same thing, obviously, but they can be connected. Reverence and awe can be magnified when you experience them in a communal setting. When you find a healthy community, it is a mystery and a miracle. and so on.
- those feelings are either rooted in, or result in, humility. Or maybe both. Learning humility is the life lesson that keeps on happening. at least for me.
- genuine reverence, awe, and mystery are the antithesis of cynicism. If you're still feeling jaded and smug, it's not awe.
- part of reverence is valuing other people, other individuals, acknowledging the unique, worthy person that each of us are. Including yourself.
So anyway, figure out what leads you to those feelings, or inspires those feelings, because a life without them is not a fully experienced life. For me, it's sometimes spectacular scenery, or being in the presense of something huge, like the ocean, or mountains. Or when we stood on the edge of Canyon de Chelly last March. Being inside a sacred space can work for me, and that's something I know doesn't work for everyone because I've had (very gentle) arguments about it. Certain types of music, or the experience of being in a group that is creating music, especially singing songs of praise in a group in a sacred space. Sometimes reading a really good book.
2. Try praying, and don't give up too soon. Even if you don't understand how it works, even if you're sure it shouldn't work, even if you hate the idea of it working. Because whether or not it "works," which presumably means your prayer is answered, the mental posture of asking for help and offering your cares and concerns to a larger entity is powerful-- not powerful in terms of getting your own way, but powerful in terms of your own growth. See #1, humility. Mary Karr deals with this in her book about getting sober, Lit.
3. Also, try to find a group of like-minded souls, and don't give up too soon. It doesn't have to be church, although church can surprise you sometimes, especially if you visit around and find the one that fits.
4. Meditation. Books and books have been written. I've even written posts about it before--wow, more than I realized (I just went and searched). I'll put some links at the end. I don't have anything all that useful to add, except maybe that the thing that's helping me the most right now is to think about connecting with something that blooms or bubbles up from underneath-- feels like hope and lightness-- as opposed to trying to top-down control my brain, which feels like clenched teeth and white knuckles. Apologies if that doesn't make any sense, but I don't know how else to say it.
Thinking about Meditation (again) Nov 2018
How Not to Meditate June 2015
How Not to Meditate part 2 June 2015
Meditate Me Home - June 2015
5. Find the thing that you create, that only exists in the universe because you do it, that feels like genuine self-expression (even if no one else ever sees it). The process of doing it can clear out some mental space to sort through your experience. It's writing for me, and sometimes making music. For some people maybe it's dance or creative movement, or maybe you cook. Maybe exercise could do this, or maybe creating a group for communal experience would be it.
The point is: figure out what you need to feed your soul, the care and feeding of your own soul. And then figure out how often you need to do it. Maybe once a week is plenty, while others need something every day. Don't try too hard to create a rigid schedule. If I decide I'm going to get up early every morning and meditate, it never lasts more than a week or ten days. But if I just keep working on inserting a few moments of a meditative mindset whenever I can, it's much more successful, and I actually end up meditating more often. Don't let anyone else tell you what your spiritual life has to look like, because only you know what is going on inside you.
That's all I can think of right now. I greet and acknowledge the light in you.
1 comment:
The day after I posted this, I remembered something I left out, which is that if I'm going to have a "spiritual path," it has to be a path that can deal with anger. I decided I would write a short description of that and put it in a comment, until I poked around and realized I had already (partly) written it--Anger, part one (we'll see if I got the html coding right there. I did it from memory and I haven't done that in awhile.)
So often institutional religion tells you that anger is bad, because anger is often about insisting that something needs to change, and religious institutions are all about maintaining the status quo, the current power structure. That's the reason I have trouble with the "gratitude as spiritual practice" stuff-- because telling someone "just be grateful you have a job" is a great way to shut down someone who has legitimate concerns about the way they're being treated at work. Anger is an acceptable human emotion. Don't tell me I'm not allowed to feel it.
That is all. :-)
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