As you know, I was raised Evangelical, and I spent a considerable amount of energy in my twenties extricating myself. Evangelicalism (the way I experienced it) is a closed system. When you're inside, it makes perfect sense. You can build elaborate thought systems within Evangelicalism and it all works. Or maybe you never think about theology at all because everyone you know and love is in there with you, so there's no need to ask questions.
But then somehow you get a peek at what's outside (possibly because the whole edifice is starting to crack). And if your brain works like mine does, you start investigating it, because you can't not do that once you know there's more out there. And before you know it, the whole thing has fallen apart. You can't go back, because you've seen outside it, and you've realized how limited it is in there. Why would you want to go back in that claustrophobic little box?
I still know and love many Evangelicals, though, so I am never able to leave it entirely behind. Weeks will go by when I don't think about it at all, and then there will be weeks like the past month or so where everywhere I turn, I'm surrounded by Evangelicals.
Sometimes this is good--it reminds me why I love so many Evangelicals. And to be honest, I feel at home among Evangelicals. I'm pretty liberal as far as politics and theology go, but I'm a conservative person. I don't like to party and never have. I've never used recreational drugs of any kind. I can have a really foul mouth when I'm angry, but most of the time I don't swear much. I've been monogamous since I started dating Dean when I was 20. Among Evangelicals, that would be unremarkable. In a group of people who were raised in non-religious homes, I look like Debby Boone.
So it happens sometimes that I find myself hanging out in person or online with Evangelicals and enjoying it. There's no chance I'd ever go back to Evangelical theology, but it makes me remember what I miss about the kind of closeness that is fostered by hanging out with like-minded people. And I get lulled into thinking, hmmm, really we're not that different.
Until some touchy subject comes up, and then I realize, OH. OOPS. Nope, this is not working for me. NOT AT ALL. In the past month, this has happened in three different online situations I've been following-- an online bookclub and two podcasts. We're going along just great, and I'm thinking, hey! wow! this is working! And then suddenly it's not. I can still listen/read there, but I'm no longer under any illusion that my opinions would be acceptable to them.
On a slightly tangentially related topic: here is a story from my past that I remembered while I was hanging out with the Evangelicals recently. I've mentioned the Popcast before, a podcast about pop culture whose hosts Knox and Jamie are sharp and funny, and also clearly Evangelical, although they aren't preachy.
They started a discussion thread on Instagram recently about crazy things you did growing up because you thought God would want you to. Like praying for David Cassidy to be saved (although Knox and Jamie are probably too young to have any idea who David Cassidy is), or burning a book of horror stories in a sudden moment of conviction that Jesus wouldn't want you reading that stuff.
It reminded me that when I transferred from a Christian college to a secular university for my last two years of college, I destroyed my beloved cassette tape of Queen's album The Game because I thought if I had that music, I would be a bad witness for Christ.
Yes, I did.
Just wanted to get that out there, because on Friday one (or maybe two) of my Things will be about going to see the movie Bohemian Rhapsody. I don't have anything all that interesting to say, but this post is already long enough.
I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride my bike
I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride it where I like
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