7T: (why, oh, why are we so in denial) when we know we're not happy heeee-yer?

1. We're driving from Montana to Southern California. The plan is to visit family on the way down, spend a long weekend at the Indian Wells tennis tournament, then drive back. Not a super ambitious trip, but it should be relaxing. It's nice to not be in a hurry to get somewhere.

2. I had never heard of snowbirds before we moved here. Snowbirds are people who live someplace with a long winter, so they spend six weeks (or more) someplace warm to get out of the snow. (We didn't get snow this year but that's another story.) It's mostly retirees, but I suppose you can be a snowbird at any age. My spouse is finally fully retired, and we were hoping to do a six week snowbird stretch this winter. But a number of family obligations interfered, so we did a week with my mom in mid-February, and this two week trip, and that's it for this year. Maybe next year we will be able to be full-fledged snowbirds. 

3. Another migraine tip: I realized last year that I don't have any trouble with caffeine when I drink it first thing in the morning, and maybe again in mid-afternoon. But if I spread it out— if, for example, I fill an insulated mug with my morning tea and sip on it over the course of a couple of hours, it gives me a headache. Weird, right? It's happened often enough now that it's become something I pay attention to. So now I drink my morning tea over about 20 minutes, and if I want to have something to sip on for several hours, I do decaf or herbal. That seems to work. 

4. OK. Here is something I've been thinking about. You hear a lot about how we're trying to dismantle authoritarian power systems and get rid of the patriarchy, etc. But also we are absolutely obsessed with the person in the White House. Isn't that patriarchal thinking? It is occurring to me that maybe one of the most subversive things that each of us individually can do to suck the air out of patriarchal power systems is to not pay so much attention to them. Obsessing about the people who are in power just gives them more air time, more attention, more energy. Paying attention to what we can do and be and change right in front of us distributes power away from the people at the top. Plus, it's something that I can actually do. Obsessing about the news very quickly becomes wasted time. 

(That's not to minimize the importance of protest when protest is needed, of course.)

5. And while we're on the subject of power structures, here is a weird thing that I've come to realize about the religion I grew up in, and have subsequently come to see it in all kinds of other situations. The individual evangelicals I knew in my personal life had the best of intentions (most of the time, at least). They genuinely believe that the bible is the word of God, completely true in every word, interpreted in the way that their group interprets it. They're genuine. But the people in power, the people who are worried about maintaining their power and getting people to give money and show up for events and keep their group/church/ministry running— those people are not always so authentic. Those people are sometimes using their congregants/members' genuine, heartfelt beliefs to manipulate their behavior. I could give a million examples, but maybe I will just leave it at that. 

Just be wary, a tiny bit skeptical, when you are presented with something that comes with a request for cash, or likes on Instagram, or clicks through to a website, or subscribe here to my newsletter that will keep you riled up and angry all the time. They may be preying on your good intentions to further an agenda that isn't what you intend, or even just to make themselves rich, or maintain power. Be smart. Just because someone knows how to engage your genuine heartfelt beliefs doesn't mean that they intend good things. 

6. Also could we grow out of the junior high phase where we are all trying to be like the cool kids. Good grief. 

7. We have a list of things that are a little ridiculous to pay for but we have decided are worth the subscription fee. Our list includes Sirius XM. My spouse listens to it in his truck all the time, I mainly listen when we are on road trips (like now). His favorite station is #6, pop rocks, and at least once a day they play that damn OutKast song which then gets stuck in my head. Hence the post title. It wasn’t until after I googled the exact lyric that I realized it’s kind of apropos. 

Have a great day. 

oh the melodrama, and also my new favorite travel hack

I am one of those people who can agonize endlessly over dumb things I did months or years or even decades ago. I wish I were exaggerating. Social gaffes, awkward interactions, people I inadvertently hurt, situations I walked into that I should have been prepared for but decidedly was not. I can practically writhe with embarrassment and even shame over things that happened long ago and that really don't matter. It isn't unusual for me to wake up in the middle of the night having what I guess is probably a mild panic attack about something a normal person would have immediately forgotten. 

But I have yet to come up with a way to stop doing it. Advice welcome. I do know that if you are an anxious person, it makes you an easily manipulated person. Either consciously or unconsciously, someone else can sense my lack of confidence and use it to gently or overtly push me into doing what they want. More about this another time, because that is not even close to what I sat down to type about. 

So you probably think I'm about to tell you about some horribly embarrassing incident, but no, this one wouldn't even make my top twenty list. My mom and I went on an Alaska cruise about ten years ago. Any time I travel, I have one of those 7-day pill containers that I use to organize my meds-- not by day, but by type. So the Sunday box will have my migraine meds, Monday will have cold meds, Tuesday will have B-2, or whatever. In other words, it is full. 

The cruise departed from Seattle, so I met my mom there. She has a lot of trouble with her knees and ankles, so when she realized she was missing (some item, I can't remember what it was), I volunteered to run down the street to a Walgreen's while she waited at the check-in area. My 7-day pill container, all loaded up for the week, was in my purse. 

The Walgreen's was super busy, so I stood in line for awhile and then pulled out my wallet so I would be ready to pay, caught the edge of the pill container and the whole thing dashed to the floor. There were pills everywhere. 

By some miracle, the lid of the prescription migraine meds section did not open, so all the ones on the floor were replaceable, but still-- I couldn't leave them there. So there I was, down on my knees in front of twenty people, scooping up more than a hundred pills. I finally got them, paid for my mom's stuff, and then dumped all those pills in the trash on my way out. The only thing that saved me from expiring of embarrassment on the spot was that (as far as I know) no one I know witnessed it. (for god's sake, if you were there, do not tell me). 

So you can imagine how impressed I was when my sister told me her latest favorite travel hack. She had one of those pill containers come open in her suitcase, resulting in unnamed pills everywhere-- it hadn't even occurred to her that this could also happen PUBLICLY IN FRONT OF A MILLION PEOPLE (like the title says, melodrama!). So she took one of those eyeglass sleeves that you get every time you buy a pair of readers and put the pill container in the glasses case. It is brilliant.

My sister is my hero (not for the first time)(both sisters rescue me regularly).

p.s. there was actually a small moment of warmth during The Incident At The Walgreens. A young boy, probably about six or seven, was standing behind me in line, and he immediately bent down to help me pick up the pills. His mom stopped him, of course— I wouldn't have let my kids pick up unidentified meds either— but still it was a spontaneous moment of thoughtfulness that I remember almost as often as I do my embarrassment. Sweet kid. 

So there you go. I'll even attach a photo. I'm emailing this (the 21st century equivalent of phoning it in?)(smirk) so we'll see how the photo turns out. 

Have a great weekend. We are heading south to attend my mom's 90th birthday party! Go, mom! 

the care and feeding of an introvert

Just in case you are not an introvert and you're wondering. 

I think there are (at least) two kinds of introverts. There are the kind of introverts who avoid groups as much as they can, but really enjoy intense one-on-one conversations. If you're dealing with that kind of introvert, don't invite them out for a drink with a group of work friends, invite them out for lunch with just the two of you, and be prepared to go deep into whatever subject(s) your introvert wants to discuss. 

That is not the kind of introvert I am. I am the kind of introvert who mostly would rather stay home, but if I'm going to make myself go out, I want to go with a group. I will not necessarily participate, but I will observe, notice, laugh along. I love sitting with a group of my friends, listening and enjoying their company. Not that I would sit there like a lump— I ask questions, comment, sympathize— but I’d rather not have the attention on me, all heads turned in my direction.

Never underestimate an introvert's deep-seated anxiety about how they will come up with things to talk about. A car ride with one other person? what the heck will we talk about? a coffee date with a friend I just saw last week? what will we talk about? (I just saw you!) My need to see my friends again is about three weeks longer than theirs is, I think. I can't imagine talking to someone on the phone every day. What would we talk about? 

This is one of the deepest anxieties of my life. It even happens with therapists. You can't shut me up for the first session or two while I'm explaining what's going on, but then I just sort of ... peter out. We just talked about that last week, how in the world will I be able to talk about it again for an hour? AN HOUR? I guess I just don't process things verbally.  

If you want an introvert to come to a party that they are resisting, give them a job to do. Keep the ice bucket filled and pick up empty cups (if they're the type of person that wouldn't mind doing that)(I am exactly that type of person). Run the spotify playlist. Give them a clipboard with survey questions on it. Take tickets at the door. Whatever. Just don't expect them to be excited about having to come up with things to talk about for three hours. 

I thought I was going to have a lot to say on this topic but that's kind of it, I guess. 

Ok, well, here's an anecdote. Years ago, like maybe 25 years ago, long before we had the terminology of being on the spectrum, a friend of mine whose son is autistic told me, "you should tell people you're autistic, even though you're not, not really. Because then they wouldn't expect you to be.... " she paused, and I realized later she was worried about hurting my feelings, "... normal." My feelings were not hurt. I don't think I've ever felt so seen. I do think if I were a child now that I would be on the spectrum, but now everyone thinks that, so who knows. Maybe we're all just awkward and anti-social. 

so yeah. Just leave me the fuck alone. ha. My spouse keeps threatening to get me a t-shirt that says sorry I'm late I didn't want to come. 

Ruminations on Retirement

I should point out first of all that to call me "retired" is a bit of a misnomer because even though it's been almost ten years since I had a real job, I never really had a career. But with that caveat, I'm still going to talk about retirement, because some of it applies to everyone. 

My spouse finally fully retired at the end of 2025 after several years of cutting back, and as anyone who's been through this knows, you're not really retired until both of you are retired. While he was working, I still had a job, and it was called "keeping everything going while my spouse works." There is still all of that to do, but now there are two of us to do it, and fortunately my spouse is not the type to refuse to help out. He's playing a lot of tennis, but he's also doing more of the grocery shopping, mopping the floors, etc. (That's not to say the transition has always been easy in terms of our relationship, but we'll save that discussion for another time.)

What I wanted to say is something I've been thinking about quite a lot. Because when you finally reach this point in life, where you no longer have a paid (or unpaid) part in keeping society going, but you need to feel like you have something to contribute, and also boredom is lethal. You have to figure out what you're going to do. 

There are probably some people who move to a golf community and do nothing but play golf and eat out for the rest of their lives, but that was never going to be me-- although I fully support your right to do that if it sounds good to you. 

Is finally having enough time to read all I want enough to keep me going? (my golf equivalent)(ha). I'm still involved in a number of volunteer activities-- I still work at the food bank on Monday mornings, I'm in a couple of senior music groups (I play flute in one and percussion in the other), and I am an A/V tech at our church. I could increase any of those activities, or add some new ones, and stay plenty busy. They're all things I enjoy. 

So is that enough? And I guess there's no way to know except to just keep going and see how it feels. That's a life-long hangup of mine, I want to know ahead of time whether or not something is going to work out and/or be successful, and of course you can't know that until you actually try. dammit. But do I "need" to keep writing a blog? Do I need to work on writing a memoir, as it seems everyone is doing these days? Should I keep writing book reviews on Goodreads? Those are all things I do because I enjoy them (well, not the memoir, I haven't done that)(yet?), but they're a fair amount of work, and no one would care if I quit. I don't mean this as a complaint, but simply as a statement of fact: no one said anything-- good or bad-- when I quit posting here. There's no reason to start up again other than the fact that I like to do it, and it fills a certain lifelong compulsion I have about putting words to things I think/feel as a way of understanding myself and my experience. 

But is it necessary? There was a time maybe twenty years ago when writing teachers responded to comments like this by saying that EVERYONE SHOULD WRITE! WE SHOULD ALL BE WRITERS! But of course that's not right, either. There are millions of people who have zero desire to write, or on the other hand, millions of people who believed them and self-published on Amazon and now we're all afraid to download anything self-published because two-thirds of them are unbearable to read. (yes, of course there are exceptions).

So that was a lot of rambling to say that I'm feeling my way through this transition, as are many other people. If I'm going to keep blogging, maybe I should change up how I do it. More pictures. Shorter posts. Less editing. We'll see. 

Maybe I will start a new thing, go a little crazy and just send posts off without agonizing. A WHOLE NEW WORLD. 

But not this one, which I've edited half a dozen times now, and which is serving as a warning sign about the carefree posting, because it makes a whole lot more sense now than it did three days ago. 

Hmmm. I wonder how pictures work when you're emailing posts. LEARNING CURVE AHEAD. And I did figure out how to schedule a post! 

Have a good Monday. 

new migraine strategies, and also various odds and ends to catch up, and why this is publishing at 2:12am

I know I have a couple of followers who also have headaches so here is something new to try, or at least new to me: taking riboflavin, otherwise known as vitamin B-2. I got mine at GNC for the highly technical reason that when a friend who is a medical professional recommended B-2 in a text, I was walking through a mall with a GNC. I started with 200 mg a day, and after about a week, I just stopped being so headache-y (bonus: neon yellow pee). 

Not that I never have headaches anymore, but they are less severe, and also don't turn into multi-day misery as often. I've been taking magnesium and CoQ-10 for a long time, but neither of them made the difference that riboflavin has made. There is research about this, check this out for starters. 

You do have to get Riboflavin (B-2) by itself-- even a multi-vitamin that is specifically "B vitamins" only has a tiny fraction of the recommended dose. Also, I still get mine at GNC even though we don't have a GNC in our town. I tried some from our local health food store and it didn't seem to work as well. And another also, after about three months I cut back to 100 mg a day. It seems to me that if you're deficient in a vitamin or mineral, of course you're going to feel better if you take mega-doses of a supplement and get your body caught up. But after awhile, wouldn't it just be too much? This is where my local medical professionals are rolling their eyes and grumbling under their breath about therapeutic doses, and saying out loud: the studies say to keep taking it. And I do my own thing anyway. 

Also in the migraines department: on the advice of my neurologist, I stopped the Ajovy injections and started on Qulipta. Like the B-2, it's not 100% effective, but overall I seem to be having fewer headaches, and when I do have them, they are less severe. More telling, if I forget to take it, I have a pretty bad migraine in 24 hours. So for now I'm sticking with it. The most common side effects are nausea, constipation, and drowsiness. I haven't had nausea, but I have had drowsiness, so I take it before I go to bed. I've also had constipation, but even though I'm Ancient of Days I can't quite bring myself to discuss constipation in my blog. Maybe someday. 

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Grandchild #2 arrived the first week in August and I have to say I highly recommend being a grandparent. It is amazing. We have especially adorable, intelligent grandchildren, and I'm not biased at all. They live about four hours away and we try to see them at least once a month. We do not spoil them. No, of course not.

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I've said about a dozen times before that the reason I blog is for me, not for you, dear reader--although I'm so grateful that you're here. I've recently discovered that is more literally true than I realized. Without doing this, producing words that come out of nowhere but my own head, I feel weirdly stagnant. It took awhile to figure out what that feeling was. Other than a handful of posts about migraines and whatnot, I barely posted last year. I didn't miss it at all at first. But the longer I've gone without writing, the more I've missed it. 

I have to deal with this weird thing in my head that starts tying my self-worth as a person on this planet to the number of people who are reading my posts. (Yeah, I know, could I be any more self-absorbed. Apparently not.) I've tried various different ways of dealing with this in the past, and the one that worked the best was emailing my posts. There's no way to type a post at the blogger website without seeing the stats about how many people are looking at this thing, but emailing them avoids that. I can just send them off into the ether and pretend that either (ether)(smirk) no one or everyone is reading them. The only downside is for years now, I've scheduled my posts to publish at 2:12am and I am oddly attached to that timestamp. But doing it by email would mean I have to figure out how to schedule an email, and I don't think I care quite that much. 

So that's the plan. I don't think I have enough readers after this long silence to worry about posting on a schedule, so just check in every once in awhile. I've missed this. 

*tap* *tap* is this thing on?

Well, first of all, HI. 

I guess I'm going to start doing this again. I'm pretty sure the RSS feed is still turned off, if you want it back on, please let me know in the comments or email me. Apologies for this not-interesting post, and possibly a couple more-- I'm experimenting with emailing my posts. I've done it before, but it was years ago and I don't remember how it works. So there will be a few test posts while I figure things out. 

Hope 2026 is treating you well so far (is 2026 treating anybody well?) and I will be back with more interesting (I hope) stuff soon.