(Arriving in and then) Leaving Las Vegas

Vegas is the perfect place to go for a winter weekend getaway from Northwest Montana. Of course there are hundreds of other warm, lovely places that you can visit to get away from winter, but most of them require more than one flight, and also we wouldn't want to leave after only two days. 

But Vegas? It's a non-stop flight, and even better--it's only fun for about 48 hours and then you're done. You walk around shaking your head at all the crazy things people do when they have more money than sense (sometimes with just a smidge of envy and admiration) and then you're ready to get out of there. It's the ideal weekend break.

AND..... OH MY..... for Christmas our kids bought us tickets to see U2 at the Sphere. Yup. 

U2 at the Sphere!!!!!!

Our son-in-law knows a guy who knows a guy, so they got at least a bit of a discount. I was so afraid it wasn't going to work out (for any one of a dozen reasons--schedule, weather delays, plane going down, etc) that I wouldn't even let myself think about it until we were actually at the airport. 

We've been U2 fans for decades-- Doug is more dedicated than I am, but still they are one of my absolute favorites. Joshua Tree was a formative album for both of us, back when formative albums were a thing. (Are they still? I'm too old to know.) There are a dozen+ of their songs that stop my heart. All the obvious, plus Running to Stand Still, Trying to Throw Your Arms Around the World (best bass line ever), Stay (Faraway, So Close), Stuck in a Moment, Who's Gonna Ride Your Wild Horses. I could go on, but you get the idea.

Our flight down was delayed by two and a half hours, and the on-time departure would have already been past our usual bedtime, so by the time we got there, we were more than half asleep. But our Uber driver knew exactly what he was doing and took us around a back way until he could turn onto the road that has the Sphere dead center and all lit up like an enormous sparkling planet sitting half a mile in front of you and we both gasped. It's definitely spectacular. 

I had scouted around for something to do Friday night since our U2 tickets were for Saturday. If we'd done the Sphere first, anything else would have been a disappointment, but the Motown Revue at the Westgate on Friday was super fun. In an hour and a half of three minute songs, there was maybe one that we couldn't sing along with. Highly recommended, and the venue is very small so the cheap seats are just about as good as the expensive ones. Two thumbs up from us.

Saturday afternoon we took an Uber to the Springs Preserve, which is normally a garden and arboretum with hiking trails and the Nevada State Museum, but on the particular day we were there, there was a Black History Month festival going on, so there was music and special food trucks and lots happening. Very fun. The museum is not large but it is very well done (I confess I was not expecting dinosaurs).

There is also a re-creation of the original 1905 downtown with a bank, general store, hotel, and train depot, and actual small houses that have been moved to the site and restored, one of which you can go in. Well worth an afternoon, and it gets you away from the Strip for a bit. 

And then there was the concert at the Sphere. It was so good. They may be as old as we are, but they can still do their thing. The whole time before they start, the enormous screen in front of you is a boring visual of rows of concrete tiles that you're just staring at waiting for something to happen. Then the band comes out, the opening riff of Zoo Station starts up, and it looks like the vibrations from the sound are crumbling the tiles away and light comes pouring in and it is breathtaking. 

The concert itself was excellent, but there's also the venue, and the Sphere is practically unbelievable. The spherical screen is the size of four football fields, and it's so huge you lose track of size. We were high enough up that the actual band members were about the size of ants, but a good bit of the concert was projected up on the screen at larger than life size, and the images were so clear and sharp that it felt like we were actually watching the live action. They say there's no such thing as a bad seat and I believe it.  

(I tried for about 45 minutes to upload photos so you could see, but for some reason I couldn't get it to work this time, so you'll just have to imagine it.) (No, it's better than that.)

Toward the end, when the Edge locked in on the intro to "Where the Streets Have no Name" after an extended introduction, it was so perfectly perfect that I started crying. I'm sure they are beyond tired of playing those old songs from the 80s but I've never seen them in concert before and I would have been sad if they hadn't played at least a few. They did that one and "With or Without You."

The whole experience was crazy and amazing. We loved it. They didn't have Larry Mullen Jr (who has had neck surgery and is recovering), but the guy that replaced him seemed to fit right in. I don't think they're going to be at the Sphere much longer, but if you get the chance, definitely go. Also I heard Beyoncé is next and I kind of want to go again.

Details for the concert-shy: We haven't been to many big arena concerts like that because they feel too loud and overwhelming to me, but I had ear plugs (believe me, you can still hear just fine), and I did ok. If it had gone on a much longer I might have faded, but I knew so many of the songs, I was relieved I could stay the whole time. Also, I am terribly prone to motion sickness, but the visuals for this concert weren't of the rollercoaster/cliff-diving type, so there was only one song where I ended up shutting my eyes. Overall, very doable for concert wimps like me.

So that was our amazing weekend in Vegas! This weekend will probably be a lot calmer. And also not 70 degrees. *sigh*

getting old, part 17: old lady skin

Last week I reached for something while I was wearing short sleeves and was shocked to realize that I have crepey skin. Maybe it's been there a long time and I just noticed it because I've been wrapped up in cold weather clothes, but whoa--the sight of papery, wrinkly skin on the underside of my arms was kind of a surprise. To put it mildly. Because we all know we are getting older every single day, but then you see crepey skin and are briefly knocked breathless from shock. 

I mean, theoretically I am okay with this. Some of my favorite people from childhood had crepey skin, (though they probably would have died if I'd pointed it out to them). My grandmothers, my great aunt Virginia, various teachers and mentors--I loved those women, even adored some of them. I don't have bad memories associated with wrinkly skin. I don't remember having specific thoughts about it at all, but if I did they probably ran along the lines of huh. that must be how older women's skin looks. Which is exactly right. 

But on the other hand, also: who the hell thought of this? Because it is a really bad idea.

So of course I googled it, because sometimes you really do need information. Apparently the number one cause of crepey skin (which some sites elegantly spell "crépey" which made me laugh because my college French may be rusty, but isn't the french word actually "crêpe"? ) Anyway. The number one cause of elderly-female skin is sun overexposure, which is ridiculous, because the main place I've noticed it is the under side of my arms and I can guarantee you my under arms have never been overexposed to the sun. I mean, how would you even do that? Recline on your chaise lounge with your arms raised up over your head?

Other causes of *cough* that kind of skin -- tobacco use (no), hormonal changes (maybe), dehydration (maybe), excessive weight loss (definitely not), but mostly it's just a symptom of aging. And the main way you counteract it is with moisturizers. Have we talked about moisturizers? Because it is a fraught issue for me. 

Some people have always had very dry skin. My younger sister is one of them. She's had dry skin since she was in her twenties. When I go for a massage, I have to go home and shower off the massage oil because it sits on top of my skin and makes me feel greasy. But if my sister goes for a massage, she tells me her skin soaks that massage oil right up. And if you have that kind of dry skin, you probably know all about the best moisturizers for dry skin because you've been dealing with it for years. The recommendations below are not for you.

But this is new for me. Until I was in my 50s, the only type of moisturizer I could use on my face was oil-free, because otherwise I would break out like a teenager. The one I use now has "SODIUM PEG-7 OLIVE OIL CARBOXYLATE" fairly far down on the ingredients list (I just looked) so maybe this has changed. I do clean it off at night, though, with a microfiber washcloth. 

On the off chance that you are in the same situation as me, here's what's working for me, and please let me know if you have additional ideas. Besides Kiehl's, you will notice that I tend toward drugstore options because there are plenty of things I would rather spend money on than moisturizers. Seriously.

Daytime moisturizer: like everyone else I know, I use Olay Regenerist Micro-sculpting Cream Moisturizer with SPF-30. Great stuff, and not all that expensive compared to the department store options.

Night-time moisturizer: Kiehl's Ultra Facial Oil-Free Moisturizer (I would use this during the day but it makes my face shiny)

Hands: Aveeno Daily Moisturizing Lotion (I have to rinse it off my palms after I apply it, but it works great)

Cleavage (if you don't know why you need cleavage lotion, move along): Kiehl's Creme de Corps

Why the hell do we need so much moisturizer? 

Those are not affiliate links (i.e., I don't make money off them), but for the record, I have no problem with people who use affiliate links, I'm just too lazy/privileged to figure them out for myself.

Have a nice weekend. We are doing something super cool this weekend but I can't quite believe it's going to happen so I'll let you know next week how it turned out.

7ToF: the dang phone

Like everyone, I'm trying to cut back on my phone time these days. So I will tell you some things that are working for me, but as usual, I'm no expert. These are pretty basic things, but sometimes I'm surprised at what people don't know about their phones. Also, all of the steps I describe here are for iphones, apologies about that, but I've never owned an android phone, so I don't know much about them.

1. I don't remember where I heard this but it is not an original thought. The first thing to do is figure out what is most addictive for you about your phone. Social interaction? Games? Keeping up with breaking news? Feeling involved? Passing the time? In other words, what do you get out of it? For me, it's partly a way to pass the time when I'm bored, but mostly I'm addicted to information. Google and iMDB are my downfall. I mean, you can get the answer to anything, and I love that. I can start by trying to remember the name of an actor in the show I'm watching and twenty minutes later I've moved on from the TV show to her co-star in her most recent movie and an interview with the director and before you know it, I've learned all kinds of things that I'm curious about but none of them are things I need to know. And I do that multiple times a day. 

2. Then the next thing is to figure out what you do want to be able to do on your phone. For me, it's usually texting, phone, camera, calculator, reminders, GPS, and weather. (I almost never make phone calls, and my texting is usually under 15 minutes a day, so I don't worry about those. If those are your downfall, your list will be different.) So you go to settings, then Screen Time, and then "Always Allowed," and move all of those things to the Always Allowed section. 

3. Then you go back to Screen Time, and under "Downtime," schedule the hours of the day that you want to restrict your other apps. My downtime is currently set for 9:00pm to 7:00am. (I stay up till 11:30 or 12 most nights, if you go to bed earlier, you may want your downtime to start earlier.) During those hours, the only apps I can easily access are the ones I set to be Always Allowed. You can override your downtime, but so far I've been able to keep that to a minimum-- or at least enough of a minimum that I haven't had to figure out a stricter system. 

You can also set a "Focus," which is a more flexible way of scheduling downtime, but it will take too long to give step-by-step instructions here. If you want to just wing it, choose Focus under Settings and follow the prompts, or google how to set it up. You can turn a Focus on and off on the Control Center (the screen you get when you swipe down from the top right of your home screen).

4. I also have an app called Forest, which you can customize in a lot of ways, but basically it throws up a lock screen for an amount of time you specify--say, 30 minutes. During that 30 minutes, a tree or a shrub grows on the lock screen. If you dismiss the lock screen, you kill the tree. It's surprisingly effective if you just need to keep yourself from using your phone for awhile while you get something done. You can set it to allow phone calls and texts.

5. The thing I am loving the most right now is something I read about back in January when everybody was making New Year's resolutions-- you can turn color off on your phone so you're looking at a black and white screen. This is supposedly less addictive-- the bright colors are part of what keeps your eyes glued to the screen. To turn this on, go to Settings, then Accessibility, then Display & Text, then scroll down to Color Filters, and turn Color Filters on. Grayscale (Black and White) is the default option. But the surprising thing is, after you've been looking at a black & white screen for a couple of hours, when you turn colors back on, they are positively garish. 

6. The next super-cool thing you can do is set this up as a short cut. Start at Settings, then Accessibility, then scroll down and choose Accessibility Shortcut, and choose Color Filters. Then you can use a triple-press of the side button (the one on the right) to go back and forth between colors and black&white. It is great. This is my current favorite phone trick. 

7. I also try to remember the things that make phones great. Like, if I'm sick or I've got a travel day, I destroy my screen time stats because why not use my phone to pass the time when I don't have anything else to do? It's one of the best things about having a phone. I'm not a big fan of the screen time stats, because sometimes I do want to use my phone. I just want to feel more in control.

So those are my ideas. This is obviously a work in progress, because I still spend more time than I'd like on my phone. But it's better. If you have some good hints or tricks or whatever about managing phone use, let me know. And have a great weekend.

In which I prove that women in their sixties (well, me, anyway) are absolutely capable of carrying a grudge for 45 years

So here is the conversation that popped full-blown into my head the day after I published last week's post, which was (in part) about the difficulty of being friends with people who have different priorities than I do, namely because I don't want to put much energy into hair, makeup, and fashion, and I am friends with a bunch of women who are stylish and put-together in a way that I probably never will be. 

My internalized mother (who bears a somewhat distorted resemblance to my real-life mother, and who will hereafter be referred to as IM): Well, Barb, if you really care about your friends, you should be willing to put in the little bit of effort it takes to be more stylish when you meet up with them. What's important to them should be important to you.

Me (deflates significantly, because it's not like she and I didn't have a variation of the conversation a million times when I was in high school): But Mom, isn't what I want just as important as what they want? Also, define "a little bit" of effort.

IM, who apparently speaks 90% in clichés: Looking your best is important, dear, especially when you're going out in public. You only get one chance to make a first impression. Why wouldn't you want to put your best foot forward? It shows that you are a competent adult who knows how to present herself in public.

Me: But trying to conform to cultural norms about clothing and beauty is exhausting! And demeaning! And I have other things I want to do! And anyway, why does dressing up always mean being uncomfortable*? 

* Seriously. Putting on comfortable clothes is synonymous with getting home and taking off your fancy clothes. There is no definition of "getting dressed up" that includes "putting on clean jeans, my favorite sweater, and a cute pair of low-cut hiking boots" which is what I want to wear when I go out to meet up with friends. Also "cute hiking boots" would be an oxymoron to my mom. And she could (rightly) point out that people who only go hiking half a dozen times a year don't get to wear hiking boots to a restaurant. Thank God I live in Montana, where hiking boots are acceptable just about everywhere.

Et cetera. You get the idea. Of course my 87-year-old mother would never say any of this to me now that I am 62. Although come to think of it, that might be because she lives 1500 miles away and never sees me when I'm getting dressed to go out. 

You know, typing this brought back a very distinct memory from high school that I probably haven't thought about in twenty (thirty? forty?) years. My senior year, there was an all night "casino" party at the mall after our graduation ceremony. I had picked out my outfit a couple of weeks earlier and I was happy with it-- jeans with blue satin stitching on the pocket, a blue and lavender striped short sleeved cotton top, and sandals (so shoot me, it was the 70s). My mom had no comment until my boyfriend showed up at the door in dark jeans, a black shirt, and a velvet jacket. She marched me back up the stairs and made me change clothes. 

I don't know how to describe the outfit she made me change into, I just remember that it was super uncomfortable and I kept on having to readjust it and pull on it and untwist the top. I can remember arguing with her-- moo-oom, I hate this top! and her hissing at me, you can't wear that other one! you're embarrassing me! I was mad at her for years. Ha. Since it's making me mad to type it out now, I guess I still haven't forgiven her. I'm so mature. 

This was going to be the first half of a longer post but it got so long so I'm done. Also I should probably edit it a bunch more, but in an effort to be less of a perfectionist, I'm just sending it off! Wheee!

I'm just standing in a doorway, I'm just trying to make some sense

I've been thinking quite a bit recently about how difficult it is to truly be supportive of other people's individuality. It's hard even with my friends, let alone with people I barely know or don't know at all. One of the amazing things about human beings is how different we all are, and the older I get, the more I realize how true that is. But our differences aren't just a matter of liking different kinds of music, or whether or not we love horror movies, or we say sneakers or tennis shoes or trainers.

For example-- a simple one, just among my friends-- I'm not a person who puts a high value on fashion, hair, and makeup. It's not that I don't care at all, but I definitely don't care enough to put a lot of time into it. My clothes are clean and in good repair, and they're within the larger boundaries of what is currently in style (was that vague enough?), but most of the time I probably look more like a grad student than a real adult. 

Which is fine with me. The thought of putting more effort into my appearance exhausts me before I've even tried, and honestly, I've never recovered from my 80s feminist thing about fashion and beauty being an enormous waste of time and money meant to distract women from accomplishing more important things.

But I have friends who dress well and care about their hair and have put some thought into the makeup they wear. They have a definite personal style. It's important to them that they look put together and stylish when they go out. I get that, but I don't do that. In fact, if I'm being honest, I can't do that, because style is not something that I understand or value.

Obviously, I can be supportive (and slightly envious) of my friends who are more into this than I am. They look measurably better than I do when we get together for lunch or whatever. And of course they can be tolerant of my lack of care, because they (I hope) like me and want to get together. 

But there's a fundamental disconnect, too. Because I refuse to put much time into my appearance, I am saying that those things are not important. And because my friends do put a lot of thought and effort into their appearance, I'm de-valuing something that is meaningful to them.

It's kind of a dumb example, but it's the easiest one I could think of to say something that is actually really important to figure out about how to have civil discourse. How do we really, truly honor someone else's values and choices and opinions, when that someone's choices undermine our own choices, or go contrary to something that is important or even dear to us? 

Because obviously we are having this problem in our country right now about a lot of things that are way more important than what we wear to go out to lunch. How does someone with exuberant sexuality express that without making her friend who is more reserved feel like a prude? How does someone who believes that religion is the cause of endless evil in our world support someone whose religion is her deepest, most cherished set of beliefs? I could go on for paragraphs.

It's not easy. Or simple. And I think in order for it to truly be mutual, it takes awareness on both sides. I comprehensively disagree with you but I value you as a human being, and I support your right to make the choices you do-- that understanding has to be coming from both sides. All sides. Maybe our common ground is how strongly we hold our convictions, even if our convictions are very different. 

I don't know. This isn't very well-reasoned, I know, because even though I've been thinking about this quite a bit recently, I don't have any answers. Hmmm. I started to go off on a tangent here, but it's late, and this is probably already long enough. More some other time. Have a good weekend.